I continue to process my Honduras mission trip and how that changes my perspective of the Christmas season. I feel like there's so much that I've been missing because of all the stuff that's distracting me from the heart of God. Oh, how I want to be blind to the distractions instead of blind to the reality.
That thought reminds me of a dream I had last year. I love to analyze dreams and try to figure out what God might be trying to show me. I don’t put too much stock in it, but it is interesting how God can use them.
I had arrived a little late to church, during the first song, slipped into a seat and realized it was Carolyn Roach next to me. She had dark glasses on and a metal walking stick. She was sitting with a man who was describing things to her. She was blind. Her head was back, her arms swept back behind her, her voice aimed directly at the throne of God.
When Carolyn sings, the angels must look around to see who’s missing. She truly has a voice that captures the essence of “the voice of an angel.” Aside from her obviously extraordinary gift, you can just feel that she’s singing from the depths of her soul; and that moves me to sing that way, too. Forget the world; forget who’s next to me; sing for my Creator and Him alone; be blind to the distractions; see only reality.
It makes me think of my grandmother who was going blind from diabetes. We knocked on her door one Thanksgiving, and as I hugged her on my way in I asked, “How are your eyes?” And her chipper, smiling response was, “I can see good enough to walk!” I will never forget that. I want to be like that. No matter what happens in my life, I want to pick out that glimmer of hope that is steeped in Truth and not just hang on to it, but flaunt it! I guess that’s what I saw Carolyn doing in my dream. Singing her heart out because of her blindness. I need to do that this Christmas season – sing as if only my soul can see!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Trashed and Busted
Hello. My name is Jennifer and I'm a Halloween candy addict. I've apparently passed on that gene.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Time
We sat around the table at the restaurant finishing up our delicious dinner of chicken, beans, rice and fried plantains (my favorite!). As we collected the leftovers onto a couple of plates and handed them to two little boys waiting expectantly with watering mouths, we began discussing our mission in Honduras.
My fear is always that I will learn something new about myself, my culture, or the Honduran culture, and then within a few weeks or months I fade right back in to my previous way of thinking. Sometimes I've learned things that I can't really pinpoint - more of an awareness that grips me, but I can't quite put it into words. Sometimes I learn things that I don't want to learn. Other times it's things that don't seem to affect me as strongly as maybe they would if I were in another stage of life or another mind set.
Not this time. This time it stared me in the face and said, "Get this." So when the discussion turned to what our "take-away" from the week was, I knew what mine needed to be. Time.
See, in many Latin American cultures, time is just a guideline, a suggestion. Yes, they know how to tell time and are quite good at knowing the exact time without using a watch. I've known this since my first international mission trip to Jamaica in 1992. Whatever country you're in, you just go by their time. We even prep our mission teams for months that "Honduran time" is just the way it is. Two in the afternoon really means anytime between noon and four, give or take a couple hours.
We tend to think that when someone is late, they are being inconsiderate of the other person's time - even being selfish. We start meetings saying we want to "respect your time." "Time is valuable." "Time is money." "Time-effecient." "Time-sensitive."
I've always been a rusher. How many things can I fit in to this block of time? Sure, I can squeeze this task in this little nook of time. And I hate being late. So I'm always rushing from time card stamp to time card stamp. I live by the clock. And I don't even wear a watch.
But Honduran time. Aaahhh, Honduran time. I finally figured it out. They're not lazy. They're not selfish. They're not cramming too-large tasks into too-small time slots. They're talking with the neighbor. The corn they're grinding is taking longer than usual. They ran out of water and have to go pump some more. They're helping a young mother with her laundry. They're having a conversation with a friend. They don't know what time they'll show up, because they don't know what other things will become necessary - or which person will need them. They don't live by the clock.
They live by relationship.
My fear is always that I will learn something new about myself, my culture, or the Honduran culture, and then within a few weeks or months I fade right back in to my previous way of thinking. Sometimes I've learned things that I can't really pinpoint - more of an awareness that grips me, but I can't quite put it into words. Sometimes I learn things that I don't want to learn. Other times it's things that don't seem to affect me as strongly as maybe they would if I were in another stage of life or another mind set.
Not this time. This time it stared me in the face and said, "Get this." So when the discussion turned to what our "take-away" from the week was, I knew what mine needed to be. Time.
See, in many Latin American cultures, time is just a guideline, a suggestion. Yes, they know how to tell time and are quite good at knowing the exact time without using a watch. I've known this since my first international mission trip to Jamaica in 1992. Whatever country you're in, you just go by their time. We even prep our mission teams for months that "Honduran time" is just the way it is. Two in the afternoon really means anytime between noon and four, give or take a couple hours.
We tend to think that when someone is late, they are being inconsiderate of the other person's time - even being selfish. We start meetings saying we want to "respect your time." "Time is valuable." "Time is money." "Time-effecient." "Time-sensitive."
I've always been a rusher. How many things can I fit in to this block of time? Sure, I can squeeze this task in this little nook of time. And I hate being late. So I'm always rushing from time card stamp to time card stamp. I live by the clock. And I don't even wear a watch.
But Honduran time. Aaahhh, Honduran time. I finally figured it out. They're not lazy. They're not selfish. They're not cramming too-large tasks into too-small time slots. They're talking with the neighbor. The corn they're grinding is taking longer than usual. They ran out of water and have to go pump some more. They're helping a young mother with her laundry. They're having a conversation with a friend. They don't know what time they'll show up, because they don't know what other things will become necessary - or which person will need them. They don't live by the clock.
They live by relationship.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Things We'd Never Do
We'd never walk for 4 hours to sit for 2 hours, miss lunch and maybe the doctor can help us, maybe he can't, then walk home 4 hours. Heck, we wouldn't drive 4 hours.
We'd never let our children accept a half-eaten sandwich offered by a stranger.
We'd never settle for a government that didn't know we existed, much less cared that our 4-wall home just fell down the side of the mountain in a rainstorm. No FEMA trailer or hotel allowance. Just neighbors with a tarp and nothing "temporary" about that shelter.
We'd never pray "give us this day our daily bread" and really mean it. With stocked pantries and spoiling produce in our fridges, we can't possibly know what it means to have what we need for only one day.
We'd never give the richest person we know a big portion of that daily food.
We'd never allow ourselves the joy and faith that comes from doing any of these things.
We're missing out.
We'd never let our children accept a half-eaten sandwich offered by a stranger.We'd never settle for a government that didn't know we existed, much less cared that our 4-wall home just fell down the side of the mountain in a rainstorm. No FEMA trailer or hotel allowance. Just neighbors with a tarp and nothing "temporary" about that shelter.
We'd never pray "give us this day our daily bread" and really mean it. With stocked pantries and spoiling produce in our fridges, we can't possibly know what it means to have what we need for only one day.
We'd never give the richest person we know a big portion of that daily food.
We'd never allow ourselves the joy and faith that comes from doing any of these things.
We're missing out.
Monday, November 10, 2008
And the peace of God...
that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:7)
Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. (2 Cor. 1:11)
Direct answers to the last blog:
Didn't oversleep. Actually didn't sleep at all. Maybe 30 minutes. The airport took every bit of our two hour cushion, too, so once we got to the gate we walked right on the plane. Not a hitch!
God led. I just got to follow His lead with 10 other people behind me. He gave me everything I needed to be an effective "tour guide" for this awesome team!
Partial goof it was. We certainly had to rearrange baggage to even out weights, and my wonderful husband maneuvered us through the airport like the pro that he is.
Got pretty comfortable carrying all that cash. We weren't able to change our dollars to limperas at the airport so I ended up carrying fewer actual bills than I would have otherwise. And we barely had to spend any of our money anyway. Whew.
Not anxious. Not a psycho. Didn't sleep a whole lot. Woke up at 4:00 just about every morning, but don't think it had anything to do with the meds. And since I got several mosquito bites, I'm willing to take the full course.
Okay. This rarely happens: all our luggage arrived the same time we did! Now, we learned not to leave Room 18 (ahem, Pastor Keith) in charge of any luggage because they have no clue they're supposed to unpack it. We didn't have glucometers, adult vitamins, and who knows what else for days because they didn't know they were in their room. But all was well anyway.
Oh, Spanish legal-ese! What a hoot. We all had a ton of questions for Steve, our semi-professional missionary. Apparently checking the box that says we had pharmaceuticals, weapons, and explosives doesn't hinder a speedy customs clearance.
It's truly God's intervention that the team was so healthy! No one got sick from food, water, virus. Wonderfully healthy until Johanna's lungs started causing problems on Friday. Guess the cigar factory tour was a little much. Thankfully, Dr. Andy was on top of things and having a pharmacy at our fingertips was certainly helpful.
Unity of the team. Are you kidding me???? This team was incredibly compatible. Not a single personality conflict, argument, or awkward moment. God hand-picked each team member, including our in-country translators. We prayed with one another, cried with one another, and shared a life experience that we can use no words to describe. True holy vulnerability. Asumbroso!
Expectations. Wow. God just showed up in a big way here! We all came with open minds and hearts and God just filled us to overflowing. And in spite of my concern, everybody definitely "got it."
Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. (2 Cor. 1:11)
Direct answers to the last blog:
Didn't oversleep. Actually didn't sleep at all. Maybe 30 minutes. The airport took every bit of our two hour cushion, too, so once we got to the gate we walked right on the plane. Not a hitch!
God led. I just got to follow His lead with 10 other people behind me. He gave me everything I needed to be an effective "tour guide" for this awesome team!
Partial goof it was. We certainly had to rearrange baggage to even out weights, and my wonderful husband maneuvered us through the airport like the pro that he is.
Got pretty comfortable carrying all that cash. We weren't able to change our dollars to limperas at the airport so I ended up carrying fewer actual bills than I would have otherwise. And we barely had to spend any of our money anyway. Whew.
Not anxious. Not a psycho. Didn't sleep a whole lot. Woke up at 4:00 just about every morning, but don't think it had anything to do with the meds. And since I got several mosquito bites, I'm willing to take the full course.
Okay. This rarely happens: all our luggage arrived the same time we did! Now, we learned not to leave Room 18 (ahem, Pastor Keith) in charge of any luggage because they have no clue they're supposed to unpack it. We didn't have glucometers, adult vitamins, and who knows what else for days because they didn't know they were in their room. But all was well anyway.
Oh, Spanish legal-ese! What a hoot. We all had a ton of questions for Steve, our semi-professional missionary. Apparently checking the box that says we had pharmaceuticals, weapons, and explosives doesn't hinder a speedy customs clearance.
It's truly God's intervention that the team was so healthy! No one got sick from food, water, virus. Wonderfully healthy until Johanna's lungs started causing problems on Friday. Guess the cigar factory tour was a little much. Thankfully, Dr. Andy was on top of things and having a pharmacy at our fingertips was certainly helpful.
Unity of the team. Are you kidding me???? This team was incredibly compatible. Not a single personality conflict, argument, or awkward moment. God hand-picked each team member, including our in-country translators. We prayed with one another, cried with one another, and shared a life experience that we can use no words to describe. True holy vulnerability. Asumbroso!
Expectations. Wow. God just showed up in a big way here! We all came with open minds and hearts and God just filled us to overflowing. And in spite of my concern, everybody definitely "got it."
When we arrived at the clinic Monday morning, Dr. Andy and Doctora Lisa just turned that place into a working clinic in about 30 minutes. Amazing! I stood back and watched in awe as that empty building became a haven for the sick. God is good!
We had plenty of medication - other than the vitamin mix-up thanks to Room 18 - and had opportunities to buy additional at local pharmacies. As one mother was complaining of her migraine headaches, Doctora Lisa miraculously remembered (from nursing school 20 years ago!) that a particular medication could be used for treatment. Lisa had just pointed out to me a few hours before that she didn't think we would ever use that medicine and wasn't sure why we brought it. Well, apparently we brought it for this precious mother who was suffering. Love it when God does stuff like that!
I think the kids were completely blessed by our Bible School time. We ended up flip-flopping our original plan. Flexibility. Flexibility. Flexibility. I absolutely loved getting to be with my kids in La Jagua for three days. They all remembered me and made me feel like I was coming home! The team really pulled through and took over as I stepped back and let them take the reigns.
We have some amazing friends here who blessed my mom more than they can ever know. She felt completely cared for, supported and prayed up. She had to take Jacob to the doctor because his asthma started acting up and everyone was so helpful with meals, kids and directions. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
Ahh, cultural intelligence. I could write a whole blog on this one. But yes, God gave us wisdom and discernment as we ministered in His name. We were told by multiple villagers that the team was so kind and loving and shared Christ in a way that many other teams have not. We were not afraid to sit close, hold hands, rub necks, and lock eyes. But as we hoped to reveal Christ there, we instead were the ones who got to see Him. Incredible.
And Chris and I. I have never laughed so much with my husband before! What a joy to share this experience together. I don't think he's ready to move there yet, but seeds have been planted. I fell in love with my husband 15 years ago on a mission trip as I watched him serve others so unselfishly. I fell in love with him again this week.
Our purpose was fulfilled. God lead each step of the way. We just got to follow along as He cleared path after path. Can't wait to share more and fill you in on some of the incredible experiences we had.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Do not worry...
but in everything, by prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God.
We leave for Honduras Sunday morning at 6:05 AM. Please don't let me oversleep!
I'm one of the youngest members of this team, never been on a medical team before and never led a team before. I am the leader.
I don't want to look like a complete goof at the airport trying to get everyone's tickets, donation letters, passports, luggage...where they're supposed to go. Looking like a partial goof is fine.
I'm gonna be carrying a lot of money and that scares the bejeebees out of me.
I'm taking Mefloquine for my anti-malarial this time. Um, side effects include anxiety, insomnia, vivid dreams. It has me anxious about how I can have vivid dreams if I can't sleep.
What if we lose half our luggage? Or just some that have our meds in them? We have everything mixed around, but oh, I so want to have all our luggage arrive at the same time we do.
Those dadgum customs and immigration sheets we have to fill out. Don't know why they're confusing to me. Perhaps because they're legal-ese...in a foreign language.
The health of the team - I really don't want anyone to get hurt or sick. I have two heart patients with me. Glad it's a medical team so I know I have a doctor that can speak English.
The unity of the team. Oh, how I pray for true camaraderie, genuine compassion and holy vulnerability. (I made up that "holy vulnerability" thing - I mostly mean that I want everyone to be vulnerable to God in a whole new way that, in turn, allows us to be vulnerable to one another and those we are serving.)
I don't want our expectations to get in the way. I don't want to expect my team members to react in a certain way or be disappointed if I don't feel like they're "getting it." How judgemental and off is that?! Geez, Jennifer.
Setting up the clinic and pharmacy are huge tasks. Ain't never had no part of that before. Wee bit intimidating.
Hope we have enough medication. Hope we are taking the right medication.
Hope the Vacation Bible School works out okay. Don't feel like we've planned well on that and it's falling back in my lap. Which isn't a bad thing because it's my favorite part, but I really tried to delegate. Just hope we can all get on the same page and the kids are blessed.
My mom and kids at home. My goodness, I didn't realize how busy and chaotic our lives are until I have to make a spreadsheet with who goes where when, gets how much medicine at what time for how long, eats what kind of food, and how often you have to do laundry and run the dishwasher. I just don't want them miserable (okay, or sad) while we're gone.
That we are "culturally intelligent" in all our attitudes and interactions.
Oh, I so pray for my husband and I. This is the first mission trip we've been on together since the one we met on 15 years ago. I'm so hopeful - giddy, actually - that we will have the time of our lives together! I'm considering this our 15th anniversary trip a month early. But then, there I go with expectations again.
So after listing all thoseworries prayers, I can see that they're surface, selfish or superficial. Guess that's why we turn them all into prayers because then we can see what our heart is focused on.
Here's what I want to be focused on: our purpose. God has been stirring this purpose in my heart for over 4 years now. I have known that I would come back to Honduras with a medical team. I have seem Him do some pretty incredible things to get us to this place. And our purpose is to meet the spiritual needs of a beautiful community in the midst of meeting the physical needs.
I pray that every act, word, and gesture undeniably points to our God as the Provider, Sustainer, and Savior. And the little church across from the clinic knows Him!
We leave for Honduras Sunday morning at 6:05 AM. Please don't let me oversleep!
I'm one of the youngest members of this team, never been on a medical team before and never led a team before. I am the leader.
I don't want to look like a complete goof at the airport trying to get everyone's tickets, donation letters, passports, luggage...where they're supposed to go. Looking like a partial goof is fine.
I'm gonna be carrying a lot of money and that scares the bejeebees out of me.
I'm taking Mefloquine for my anti-malarial this time. Um, side effects include anxiety, insomnia, vivid dreams. It has me anxious about how I can have vivid dreams if I can't sleep.
What if we lose half our luggage? Or just some that have our meds in them? We have everything mixed around, but oh, I so want to have all our luggage arrive at the same time we do.
Those dadgum customs and immigration sheets we have to fill out. Don't know why they're confusing to me. Perhaps because they're legal-ese...in a foreign language.
The health of the team - I really don't want anyone to get hurt or sick. I have two heart patients with me. Glad it's a medical team so I know I have a doctor that can speak English.
The unity of the team. Oh, how I pray for true camaraderie, genuine compassion and holy vulnerability. (I made up that "holy vulnerability" thing - I mostly mean that I want everyone to be vulnerable to God in a whole new way that, in turn, allows us to be vulnerable to one another and those we are serving.)
I don't want our expectations to get in the way. I don't want to expect my team members to react in a certain way or be disappointed if I don't feel like they're "getting it." How judgemental and off is that?! Geez, Jennifer.
Setting up the clinic and pharmacy are huge tasks. Ain't never had no part of that before. Wee bit intimidating.
Hope we have enough medication. Hope we are taking the right medication.
Hope the Vacation Bible School works out okay. Don't feel like we've planned well on that and it's falling back in my lap. Which isn't a bad thing because it's my favorite part, but I really tried to delegate. Just hope we can all get on the same page and the kids are blessed.
My mom and kids at home. My goodness, I didn't realize how busy and chaotic our lives are until I have to make a spreadsheet with who goes where when, gets how much medicine at what time for how long, eats what kind of food, and how often you have to do laundry and run the dishwasher. I just don't want them miserable (okay, or sad) while we're gone.
That we are "culturally intelligent" in all our attitudes and interactions.
Oh, I so pray for my husband and I. This is the first mission trip we've been on together since the one we met on 15 years ago. I'm so hopeful - giddy, actually - that we will have the time of our lives together! I'm considering this our 15th anniversary trip a month early. But then, there I go with expectations again.
So after listing all those
Here's what I want to be focused on: our purpose. God has been stirring this purpose in my heart for over 4 years now. I have known that I would come back to Honduras with a medical team. I have seem Him do some pretty incredible things to get us to this place. And our purpose is to meet the spiritual needs of a beautiful community in the midst of meeting the physical needs.
I pray that every act, word, and gesture undeniably points to our God as the Provider, Sustainer, and Savior. And the little church across from the clinic knows Him!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
What I learned this week
Kindergarten field trips use up kindergarten teachers' patience.
Unsupervised children will always use an entire bottle of shampoo.
McD's cappuccino is gross.
American politics are fascinating and disgusting at the same time.
I'm not as good of a mom as I thought.
I'm not as bad of a mom as I thought.
Strep really is very contagious.
I'm not always brave enough to sing "Let the earth beneath me tremble, let the enemy pursue, I can face it all as long as I have You."
Flossing only the two weeks before a dentist appointment always reaps a "your teeth look wonderful" compliment from the hygienist.
Marriage retreats mean you can't retreat.
I really hate cleaning up pee.
No matter how important and jam-packed my schedule is, cuddling and reading with a sick child negates every other plan.
It's possible to cross my arms in church and not sing a word of a worship song because I feel hopeless - and still know that it's all going to be okay.
Participating in a Modern Dance class with teenagers is really intimidating.
Parenting is hard...and scary.
Being the leader of a mission team is requiring more faith than I ever imagined.
Although it's not all usable, my voice teacher says I have a 3 1/2 octave range. Are you kidding me????
Friendships grow deeper at The Bread Co.
My God is bigger.
I average a Wal Mart trip every 26.3 hours and spend an average of $57.83.
"You always have more breath than you think" has more to do with life than singing.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
When God speaks...
I really would rather just curl up in a ball and not take the challenge. I've rather liked my easy life. And then I hit a really rough spot in life. And then Pastor Mike has to go and preach on intentionality (something I thought I was doing well. Um, no). And then tonight I sit down to finish Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. And this is what God must be wanting me to really get today...
"When a man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well (in the sense that some of his bad habits are now corrected), he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly. When troubles come along - illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptation - he is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now? Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level putting him into situtations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us."
And a little earlier in the chapter he says,
"'Make no mistake,' [Christ] says, 'if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push Me away. But if you do not...understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life...whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect.... This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.'"
"We may be content to remain what we call 'ordinary people': but He is determined to carry out a quite different plan. To shrink back from that plan is not humility; it is laziness and cowardice. To submit to it is not conceit or megalomania; it is obedience."
Dang it. Gotta leave the pity party early and start doing that brave, patient, loving, obedient thing.
"When a man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well (in the sense that some of his bad habits are now corrected), he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly. When troubles come along - illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptation - he is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now? Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level putting him into situtations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us."
And a little earlier in the chapter he says,
"'Make no mistake,' [Christ] says, 'if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push Me away. But if you do not...understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life...whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect.... This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.'"
"We may be content to remain what we call 'ordinary people': but He is determined to carry out a quite different plan. To shrink back from that plan is not humility; it is laziness and cowardice. To submit to it is not conceit or megalomania; it is obedience."
Dang it. Gotta leave the pity party early and start doing that brave, patient, loving, obedient thing.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Carpe Diem
When I get a chance I'm gonna blog about these things:
- homeschooling, Singapore, and PTA (and yes, they all relate)
- status quo, status symbols and status updates
- hunger (world and otherwise)
But for now, I gotta share my evening. Chris is working late so it's just the kids and me. They played outside til after dark and once I had everybody rounded up and in the house, they reminded me that I had said we would bake cookies. It was already 8:00 and I really just wanted to get them in bed so I could clean up and play the piano. But something in me knew that this was a carpe diem moment.
Now, we've baked cookies together a gazillion times, but this was just special. I miss my kids terribly now that I'm not homeschooling and our time together always seems so rushed. They're less satisfied hanging out as a family now. That really bothers me, but I'll save that for the homeschooling blog. So tonight this cookie baking thing opened my eyes a bit.
Usually I'm the one directing the measuring, pouring, mixing. But not tonight. Tonight I sat on the opposite side of the counter and just watched all four of them take turns, share, encourage, and create together. Made my mommy heart swell. We ate dough. Tasted butter. Laughed. Licked sugar right off the counter (well, I didn't).
My take-away from this is that I passed the baton tonight. I've instructed, guided and modeled cookie baking and now they donned their aprons and tackled the process the
mselves. While I love cooking with my kids, I'm usually less than patient. It's just plain stressful for me to watch the mess exponentially increase by the minute. But they've still learned from me. I think God was just giving me a glimpse of what I'm passing on to my children. Oh, that they will learn to pray and rely on Him, that they have seen beyond my impatience and fastidiousness. I pray they have seen something in me that they can grab hold of and know that our God is magnificently loving, even if I am not. Oh, that I will one day see the baton of faith richly passed to each one.
Friday, September 19, 2008
I'm gonna be sore tomorrow
Today was my husband's birthday and since his love language is "acts of service," I did some things around the house that have been on his to-do list. And since they were put on his to-do list by moi, it was a humble act of love (see previous post on how I do with humility) to cross them off the weighty mental list.
So, today I moved a piano from the dining room (yeah, why was it there in the first place?) to the study. Yep. Sure did. Yep. By myself. Well and with the help of these things and a barely three year old. He really did help. Craftily figured out how to protect the wood floor, too. Nary a scratch on anything.
I moved the buffet cabinet from the study to the dining room. And reloaded it with all the artsy school supplies that have been disorganized forever.
Moved the sleeper sofa (without the help of these things), train table and entertainment center around in the family room. Which also meant that I had to move these dadgum things, too. And when there's nine of them filled to the gills with toys and games, they pretty much fall apart. A less short-cut prone person would have taken the junk out first, but, well, I just don't do that. I'm discovering that short cuts are rarely short. Kinda like the self-check line at Wal-Mart.
And I baked a birthday cake - no box involved, but plenty of egg whites and unsweet chocolate. And got the dishes washed and kitchen mostly clean. Threw in a load of laundry. Made a trip to the store for a card for hubby. And still cooked dinner.
I didn't take a shower today.
So, today I moved a piano from the dining room (yeah, why was it there in the first place?) to the study. Yep. Sure did. Yep. By myself. Well and with the help of these things and a barely three year old. He really did help. Craftily figured out how to protect the wood floor, too. Nary a scratch on anything.
I moved the buffet cabinet from the study to the dining room. And reloaded it with all the artsy school supplies that have been disorganized forever.
Moved the sleeper sofa (without the help of these things), train table and entertainment center around in the family room. Which also meant that I had to move these dadgum things, too. And when there's nine of them filled to the gills with toys and games, they pretty much fall apart. A less short-cut prone person would have taken the junk out first, but, well, I just don't do that. I'm discovering that short cuts are rarely short. Kinda like the self-check line at Wal-Mart.
And I baked a birthday cake - no box involved, but plenty of egg whites and unsweet chocolate. And got the dishes washed and kitchen mostly clean. Threw in a load of laundry. Made a trip to the store for a card for hubby. And still cooked dinner.
I didn't take a shower today.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Ugly
Yep. I'm ugly. I've said it before because I thought I was fat, but I'm pretty much over that now. Although, if I had the money and the guts there are a couple of surgeries I think I could justify. Not because God didn't make me right - just to fix what I've broken with gluttony and allergic reactions to exercise. But really, I'm okay with my outside me. I just got a glimpse at my inside part that ain't so pretty.
Several weeks ago we were challenged by Pastor Mike to get raw with our sin...THE sin...the ONE that so easily entangles (Heb. 12:1). So, in the spirit of transparency, here goes my ugliness:
Pride. I know. You were hoping for something scandalous.
It's such a short word. And it can be a good word. I'm proud of my kids. I'm proud of my husband. I'm proud to be a Christian. But really, it's a dangerous, dangerous thing. Every time that word is used, it's just a hairline fracture from a complete break in goodness.
And it's an ugly word. Ugly because it takes the focus from the One who is beyond Beautiful and zeros in on the unholy, fragmented weakness of one who is striving to be viewed as more than she is. Someone once told me that when you look at any God-created thing in a microscope each zoom of the lens reveals a beauty of greater depth. But when you look more closely at a man-made object it gets boxier, clumsier, and...uglier. I'd so much rather look at what God has done instead of what I have done.
Not sure I can even pinpoint what my pride looks like. It's mostly my thoughts turning inward - looking at me and what I'm doing. Even "I want to be an example" or "I want others to look at me and see Jesus" is about me. I suppose some people can say those things and still be completely humble, but I'm not there yet.
So, I want to throw off this dead weight - this sin that has tentacles that grab onto every act I seem to do. Yep, I'm ready to be covered up in His Glory! Here's what I mean (you gotta see the Glorious banner go up!):
"Humble yourself, and He will lift you up." (James 5:10) He will lift you up. And Paul adds a little clarity to when - "in due time." (1 Peter 5:6) It's been said to humble yourselves - or God will do it for you! I don't know how long it will take me to get this humility thing going in the right direction. According to C.S. Lewis, I've taken the first step.
Several weeks ago we were challenged by Pastor Mike to get raw with our sin...THE sin...the ONE that so easily entangles (Heb. 12:1). So, in the spirit of transparency, here goes my ugliness:
Pride. I know. You were hoping for something scandalous.
It's such a short word. And it can be a good word. I'm proud of my kids. I'm proud of my husband. I'm proud to be a Christian. But really, it's a dangerous, dangerous thing. Every time that word is used, it's just a hairline fracture from a complete break in goodness.
And it's an ugly word. Ugly because it takes the focus from the One who is beyond Beautiful and zeros in on the unholy, fragmented weakness of one who is striving to be viewed as more than she is. Someone once told me that when you look at any God-created thing in a microscope each zoom of the lens reveals a beauty of greater depth. But when you look more closely at a man-made object it gets boxier, clumsier, and...uglier. I'd so much rather look at what God has done instead of what I have done.
Not sure I can even pinpoint what my pride looks like. It's mostly my thoughts turning inward - looking at me and what I'm doing. Even "I want to be an example" or "I want others to look at me and see Jesus" is about me. I suppose some people can say those things and still be completely humble, but I'm not there yet.
So, I want to throw off this dead weight - this sin that has tentacles that grab onto every act I seem to do. Yep, I'm ready to be covered up in His Glory! Here's what I mean (you gotta see the Glorious banner go up!):
"Humble yourself, and He will lift you up." (James 5:10) He will lift you up. And Paul adds a little clarity to when - "in due time." (1 Peter 5:6) It's been said to humble yourselves - or God will do it for you! I don't know how long it will take me to get this humility thing going in the right direction. According to C.S. Lewis, I've taken the first step.
The first step [to acquire humility] is to realize that one is proud. And a biggish step, too. At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
9.11.08
Dear Diary,
Ate breakfast.
Drove the kids to school. Talked about what happened 7 years ago today. Told them that every time they write the date today to pray for the kiddos who lost their parents.
Dropped Little Man off at Mother's Day Out.
Went to first piano and voice lesson. Nervous as all get out. Then Teacher said, "You're really good. Wow." Felt good to be good.
Just beginning with voice. Breathing exercises. Will be good for my posture and overall health, I betcha. So excited. Feel like I'm making Grandma proud using her money to make this one-of-these-days-I'm-gonna-do-this dream a reality. She loved music.
Saw the fire department's amazing 9/11 memorial with a NYFD suit and dozens of flags waving.
Lunch at Bread Co. Nice treat.
Picked up Matthew and we played Lego Star Wars on the computer for his mommy time. Gettin' pretty good at "using the force," although I've not reached Jedi status yet.
Picked up Jacob. Took the boys to Ashby's for ice cream. Superman Ice Cream uses a gallon of Red Dye #40, Yellow #5 and Blue #2. Obvious side effects remain on face, hands and clothes. But it is awesome (said with pointer fingers and thumbs raised to the sky).
Picked up older kids from school.
Saw flag at half mast.
Homework with kids. Oh, I so could homeschool again.
Leftovers for dinner. Thank goodness for leftovers.
Took Emilee to dance.
Practiced piano. Oh my goodness! I'm actually improvising! I can read chords. It took all of 15 minutes to figure that out. Whoo hooo!
Chris got home from PTA meeting. We must have very different views of what our kids "need" for their education. Park benches and $1,000 projectors for every classroom just don't jive with the fact that there are schools across the river that don't have books. Ticks me off.
Got boys ready for bed and had to run get the video camera to catch Matthew and Jacob singing Mark Roach's awesome Inside Out song. So glad to have caught that.
Picked Emilee up from dance.
She told me she forgot to pray for the kids today. She remembered the first time she wrote the date, and they had a moment of silence at school this morning. But she forgot after that.
So did I. Oh, I had reminders. But I just lived my life today. Not in fear. Not with anxiety. Not with an urgency to love my family. Have I really forgotten that horror? Am I truly grateful for this country and the fact that it has kept me safe these last 7 years?
Oh, let us live boldly. Let us live the life we are meant to live. Let us not waste years, days or moments. Let us never forget.
Ate breakfast.
Drove the kids to school. Talked about what happened 7 years ago today. Told them that every time they write the date today to pray for the kiddos who lost their parents.
Dropped Little Man off at Mother's Day Out.
Went to first piano and voice lesson. Nervous as all get out. Then Teacher said, "You're really good. Wow." Felt good to be good.
Just beginning with voice. Breathing exercises. Will be good for my posture and overall health, I betcha. So excited. Feel like I'm making Grandma proud using her money to make this one-of-these-days-I'm-gonna-do-this dream a reality. She loved music.
Saw the fire department's amazing 9/11 memorial with a NYFD suit and dozens of flags waving.
Lunch at Bread Co. Nice treat.
Picked up Matthew and we played Lego Star Wars on the computer for his mommy time. Gettin' pretty good at "using the force," although I've not reached Jedi status yet.
Picked up Jacob. Took the boys to Ashby's for ice cream. Superman Ice Cream uses a gallon of Red Dye #40, Yellow #5 and Blue #2. Obvious side effects remain on face, hands and clothes. But it is awesome (said with pointer fingers and thumbs raised to the sky).
Picked up older kids from school.
Saw flag at half mast.
Homework with kids. Oh, I so could homeschool again.
Leftovers for dinner. Thank goodness for leftovers.
Took Emilee to dance.
Practiced piano. Oh my goodness! I'm actually improvising! I can read chords. It took all of 15 minutes to figure that out. Whoo hooo!
Chris got home from PTA meeting. We must have very different views of what our kids "need" for their education. Park benches and $1,000 projectors for every classroom just don't jive with the fact that there are schools across the river that don't have books. Ticks me off.
Got boys ready for bed and had to run get the video camera to catch Matthew and Jacob singing Mark Roach's awesome Inside Out song. So glad to have caught that.
Picked Emilee up from dance.
She told me she forgot to pray for the kids today. She remembered the first time she wrote the date, and they had a moment of silence at school this morning. But she forgot after that.
So did I. Oh, I had reminders. But I just lived my life today. Not in fear. Not with anxiety. Not with an urgency to love my family. Have I really forgotten that horror? Am I truly grateful for this country and the fact that it has kept me safe these last 7 years?
Oh, let us live boldly. Let us live the life we are meant to live. Let us not waste years, days or moments. Let us never forget.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
And that's just today...
A few things to note from today:
After ten and a half years of continuous diapers (that's over 10,000 diapers I've changed!), the Longs are officially a diaper-free family! Hallelujah!
Now that Jacob is completely potty-trained, I don't always know when he needs my assistance. Independent child that he his, he takes care of things himself. Apparently a whole roll of toilet paper was perceived as necessary, and low-flush toilets don't handle whole rolls of toilet paper too well. When I discovered the obstruction, water had filled the bathroom area and the sink area about a quarter inch. Oh joy. Thank goodness for big towels and Clorox spray.
In the two year old room at church today, we had one child without underwear, two unique dance performances, one proudly displayed belly tattoo, 2 screamers and one little girl with sequins in her diaper (??????). Never a dull moment.
After adhering a cool tattoo to his well-defined 8-year-old bicep, Grant told me, "I wish there was a tattoo that said Johnny." Okay. Why? "Because when I grow up I'm going to change my name to Johnny." Okay. Why????
Matthew doesn't get too wordy (aww, I know, he takes after me) and rarely voices his opinion (again, just like me). But tonight he sweetly informed me for the first time, "Just to remind you, I don't like orange vitamin C." Note taken. I'll keep that in mind.
It still cracks me up that people think I have such a big family with my four kids. I really don't feel that I'm all that abnormal. Just to prove that I'm not, we invited five of Jacob's little friends for his birthday party tonight. We made it a family deal. That added up to 22 kids!
Disclaimer: Not all of the events happened just today, but they did happen within the last 24 hours. In case I run for public office someday, I wouldn't want anyone to think that I stretched the truth and was dishonest and would stop at nothing to further my blogging agenda. That would be a terrible blow my credibility.
After ten and a half years of continuous diapers (that's over 10,000 diapers I've changed!), the Longs are officially a diaper-free family! Hallelujah!
Now that Jacob is completely potty-trained, I don't always know when he needs my assistance. Independent child that he his, he takes care of things himself. Apparently a whole roll of toilet paper was perceived as necessary, and low-flush toilets don't handle whole rolls of toilet paper too well. When I discovered the obstruction, water had filled the bathroom area and the sink area about a quarter inch. Oh joy. Thank goodness for big towels and Clorox spray.
In the two year old room at church today, we had one child without underwear, two unique dance performances, one proudly displayed belly tattoo, 2 screamers and one little girl with sequins in her diaper (??????). Never a dull moment.
After adhering a cool tattoo to his well-defined 8-year-old bicep, Grant told me, "I wish there was a tattoo that said Johnny." Okay. Why? "Because when I grow up I'm going to change my name to Johnny." Okay. Why????
Matthew doesn't get too wordy (aww, I know, he takes after me) and rarely voices his opinion (again, just like me). But tonight he sweetly informed me for the first time, "Just to remind you, I don't like orange vitamin C." Note taken. I'll keep that in mind.
It still cracks me up that people think I have such a big family with my four kids. I really don't feel that I'm all that abnormal. Just to prove that I'm not, we invited five of Jacob's little friends for his birthday party tonight. We made it a family deal. That added up to 22 kids!
Disclaimer: Not all of the events happened just today, but they did happen within the last 24 hours. In case I run for public office someday, I wouldn't want anyone to think that I stretched the truth and was dishonest and would stop at nothing to further my blogging agenda. That would be a terrible blow my credibility.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Did you HEAR that????????
It was a terrible, annoying slurping sound. Oh my gosh, it was awful! I can't really describe it. It kept me from getting anything done today.
It was the sound of me getting sucked into politics.
Dang it.
Monday, August 25, 2008
What birthdays are for
I'm smack dab in the middle of birthday season at our house, so we're all into planning, partying, and thank-youing. With Amanda's tragic death last week and Matthew and Amanda sharing a birthday, I wasn't sure how much Matthew got the whole reality of it. (Not that I wanted him to really get reality, just wasn't sure it registered at all.)
Out of the blue this week he told me, "Mom, I know what birthdays are for: to get older to go up to heaven and live with God."
Yep. Think he got it. And a little better than the reality I was thinking of.
Out of the blue this week he told me, "Mom, I know what birthdays are for: to get older to go up to heaven and live with God."
Yep. Think he got it. And a little better than the reality I was thinking of.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
In Memory of Amanda
Amanda Willard. What a dry sense of humor. And boy, could she keep my kids in line! She babysat for our couples' group. She held each of my kids in the nursery at Morning Star Church at some point or another. She babysat a few times at our home even. It's no wonder she wanted to be a teacher.
Today is her 20th birthday. She shares it with my son, Matthew. It's going to be hard to celebrate his 6th birthday, because Amanda lost control of her Jeep Friday afternoon on her way home from college.
Lost control.
That's what has me so shook up, I guess. My biggest fear is that I'll lose control. Ha. I don't even have control in the first place. It's just the randomness of things like this that remind me that I don't have control. I guess it's random. Is it? Does my God of order and sovereignty allow randomness? He is sovereign. And He is just. And He is merciful. It's just this ache I feel is churning in me. Even though I have a great hope in the joy of eternal life, this just hurts.
So please say a prayer for Amanda's parents, Ken and Mary. Saturday will be excruciating. She's their only child. She was coming home for her birthday.
Amanda Willard
8.16.1988
8.15.2008
Today is her 20th birthday. She shares it with my son, Matthew. It's going to be hard to celebrate his 6th birthday, because Amanda lost control of her Jeep Friday afternoon on her way home from college.
Lost control.
That's what has me so shook up, I guess. My biggest fear is that I'll lose control. Ha. I don't even have control in the first place. It's just the randomness of things like this that remind me that I don't have control. I guess it's random. Is it? Does my God of order and sovereignty allow randomness? He is sovereign. And He is just. And He is merciful. It's just this ache I feel is churning in me. Even though I have a great hope in the joy of eternal life, this just hurts.
So please say a prayer for Amanda's parents, Ken and Mary. Saturday will be excruciating. She's their only child. She was coming home for her birthday.
Amanda Willard
8.16.1988
8.15.2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Gratefulness
grate·ful: \grāt-ful\; adj.
1: appreciative of benefits received
2 a: affording pleasure or contentment : pleasing b: pleasing by reason of comfort supplied or discomfort alleviated
Appreciative. Pleasure. Contentment. Comfort.
I overheard a conversation tonight that left me thinking about gratefulness.
I took my kicking and screaming I-don't-want-to-go-because-I-want-to-play-with-my-friend ten year old daughter down to the local food pantry tonight. Now, normally she's jumping for joy when we get to go bag groceries and hand out food, but tonight she decided she only wanted to play with the neighbor girl because she has been on vacation for a whole 4 days. We keep track of her service hours for a scouting program she's in and she told me at dinner, "If I go, I'm not writing it down on my service sheet, because it's not really serving if I don't want to go!" Well, I so admired her truthfullness and insight that I promptly replied, "Okay. We don't have to write it down." That ticked her off. Just the way a mother should!
Of course, she absolutely loved it and it was great mother/daughter time. She called each item off the sheet and I bagged the appropriate number of green beans, mac and cheese, soups, etc. Even though we haven't personally met the families yet, we know how many people there are and the number of kids and their ages. It's fun to decide which snacks to put in the bag or what kind of canned pasta they might like or if the green peppers are a better choice than the zucchini. Emilee and I would confer on which cereal and juice the kids would like based on their ages. It's hard sometimes when they'll ask for something particular and that shelf is bare. Tonight there were no desserts, no canned meats, very few fruits. But my favorite part is walking outside where the clients are waiting and calling out the name to see who the groceries belong to. Even though there's not a lot to personalize, we feel like we've hand-picked each item just for them so we want to see if we chose well.
So I was rather hurt when I heard one disgruntled client complain to another, "Yeah, last time I got no fruits, no vegetables, no desserts. You know. They just didn't give me nothin'."
I thought, "Are you kidding me? You don't see the shelves in there. Don't you know that we're trying our best to meet your needs? Can't you just be grateful for the four bags of groceries that you got for free?"
It bothered me the rest of the evening. And then on the drive home, I crawled out of my judgemental tent I often pitch for myself (it's well used and rather convenient). I flipped that grateful mirror around and kinda didn't like what I saw. How often do I do that to God? How often do I look at what He's given me and only see what He hasn't give me? How often do I overlook the hand-picked, God-ordained, unique gifts - tangible and intangible - He has given me? Way too often.
And my kids. Well, I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I've been known to shake my head at them saying, "Oh, you ungrateful children of Israel. When will you stop complaining?!" Just today I told them that I think whining, complaining children ought to have all their toys, clothes, food, and friends taken away from them until they can appreciate what they have. They didn't like that idea, but I think it would work.
Apparently King David thought it would, too. The Psalms are so comforting to me because David's emotions are so raw. He's so transparent. In one moment he is praising His God and firmly standing on the Rock, and in the next he's telling God to slay all his enemies and cursing them and really being pretty ugly. I can kinda relate to that. In Pslam 109:17b he's pretty upset with his enemies (who, in reality, are trying to kill him, so no wonder he lashes out so much) and he says his enemy "found no pleasure in blessing - may it be far from him." Mom translation: You don't appreciate it, well then, you don't get it. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away (Job 1:21).
We sing this song at church about needing holiness, righteousness, and faithfulness. Our worship leader (dropping names here: Mark Roach) will ask us each to sing our own word - which of those three do we feel like we need the most. It's pretty cool when the whole congregation is being vulnerable by not singing the same thing as the person next to them. While I certainly need more of each one of those, I've always wanted to stick in "gratefulness" - not necessarily because I felt like I needed it, but because it was another "ness" and rhymed well. Now I'm thinking that was a bit of the Spirit trying to crack through my unappreciative greed (because isn't that what ungratefulness really is? Greed?).
Gratefulness, Gratefulness is what I long for.
Gratefulness is what I need.
Gratefulness, gratefulness is what You want from me.
So take my heart and form it.
Take mind transform it.
Take my will conform it
To Yours, to Yours, oh Lord.
Oh, and I asked Emilee on the way home if we could write this time on her service sheet. She giggled and said yea.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Conversation with a Two Year Old (TYO)
TYO: Where we goin’?
Mom: (Backing out of driveway into the street.) We’re going to Michael’s house to go swimming?
TYO: Why we goin’ dis way?
Mom: Because this is the way to Michael’s house.
TYO: Michael wivs dis way?
Mom: Yes. He does.
TYO: (Two minutes later.) Why we goin’ to Michael’s house?
Mom: (Quick sigh.) To go swimming, remember? Then we’re going to go to the library.
TYO: Why we goin’ dis way?
Mom: Because this is the way to Michael’s house.
TYO: We’re goin’ to Michael’s house? Why we goin’ to Michael’s house?
Mom: (Deep breath in. Slowly exhale. Smile. Count to five. Now answer – but don’t grit your teeth.) To go swimming.
TYO: And den we go to da wibwary?
Mom: (Forced smile.) Yeeesss.
TYO: Why we gonna go to da wibwary?
Mom: (Sigh and close eyes. Oh wait, eyes on the road!) To get some books.
TYO: We get books at da wibwary?
Mom: (Raise eyebrows. Sigh. Smile. Okay, laugh.) Nope. We get chicken livers at the library.
TYO: (Furrowed brow.) No we don’t get chicken wivers at da wibwary. We get books at da wibwary.
Mom: We do?
TYO: You’re silwy, Mommy. Are we going to Michael’s house?
Mom: (Quick shake of head. Lower chin. Raise eyebrows. Gesture with outstretched hand) I don’t know, are we?
TYO: Yes. We going to Michael’s house to go swimming. Den we go to da wibwary to get books.
Mom: (Raise hands to heaven and drive with knees.) Praise the Lord! There is a merciful God!
Mom: (Backing out of driveway into the street.) We’re going to Michael’s house to go swimming?
TYO: Why we goin’ dis way?
Mom: Because this is the way to Michael’s house.
TYO: Michael wivs dis way?
Mom: Yes. He does.
TYO: (Two minutes later.) Why we goin’ to Michael’s house?
Mom: (Quick sigh.) To go swimming, remember? Then we’re going to go to the library.
TYO: Why we goin’ dis way?
Mom: Because this is the way to Michael’s house.
TYO: We’re goin’ to Michael’s house? Why we goin’ to Michael’s house?
Mom: (Deep breath in. Slowly exhale. Smile. Count to five. Now answer – but don’t grit your teeth.) To go swimming.
TYO: And den we go to da wibwary?
Mom: (Forced smile.) Yeeesss.
TYO: Why we gonna go to da wibwary?
Mom: (Sigh and close eyes. Oh wait, eyes on the road!) To get some books.
TYO: We get books at da wibwary?
Mom: (Raise eyebrows. Sigh. Smile. Okay, laugh.) Nope. We get chicken livers at the library.
TYO: (Furrowed brow.) No we don’t get chicken wivers at da wibwary. We get books at da wibwary.
Mom: We do?
TYO: You’re silwy, Mommy. Are we going to Michael’s house?
Mom: (Quick shake of head. Lower chin. Raise eyebrows. Gesture with outstretched hand) I don’t know, are we?
TYO: Yes. We going to Michael’s house to go swimming. Den we go to da wibwary to get books.
Mom: (Raise hands to heaven and drive with knees.) Praise the Lord! There is a merciful God!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Diversified
It was a foggy sunrise this morning at the Hanley MetroLink station. I really wanted to hide in that cloudy shroud, but it didn't seem to cover my lily white skin as much as I would have liked. I tried to act like I knew what I was doing. Thought, If I act like I've done this before no one will know I just broke down Comfort Zone Barrier #1, right? Probably could've pulled that off had I not just walked past the ticket kiosk before asking the security guy where I get tickets.
And once on the platform, which way do the trains come from? Do I ask someone? Do I make eye contact? Nope. Independent Me is going to act like I'm bored, yawn a little, and calmly scan every bit of signage I can make out through the fog. Didn't work. A kind elderly black man pointed me in the right direction after offering me a seat.
So why am I so stuck in the suburbs? Why was I so extremely uncomfortable being the only white woman at the station? I mean, I've traveled the world. I know all about cultural sensitivity, right? I mean, I carry a Honduran purse and have a cool wooden keychain that says "Honduras." I ate at Qdoba for dinner - ya know, white girls' mexican food. I sponsor a World Vision child from Swaziland. And well, the whole malaria thing, that really makes me cultural, right? Oh, and one of my favorite CDs is Nicole C. Mullen. And man, she rocked Scottrade Center today! That all makes me a well-rounded, culturalized soccer mom, eh?
But seriously, my own city? I feel more comfortable flying across oceans to remote villages than riding the metro? That's just shear stupidity. Ignorance of a suburbanite. And I'm ashamed.
One of the most profound moments I've ever had in my walk with the Lord was the first year I went to Honduras. I remember singing and clapping in the little village's church as they praised God in worship in Spanish. Somehow it finally clicked: I've been worshiping the Great American God of Abundance; I've had an American God all my life. And in that moment I was given a purer glimpse of the God of the Universe. Oh, I've known in my head He's the God of the Universe. But seeing the diversity of His children as they praised Him for what He had given them - Himself - it just made me want to hang my head in shame. I had considered God's "blessings" to be the things of this world, rather than the pure love that He has for all of us. And that's a blessing we all have available to us.
That's what Love. Loud. is all about. It's about breaking down barriers and loving beyond borders. It's about making the available love of our God the tangible, realized love of God.
So my first step to getting myself "diversified?" Heading down with RR to the inner city to hand out sandwiches and water to the homeless.
Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Abundant life doesn't equal a posh, suburbanite life with all the trimmings. It's the moments when we are held by Him because of our need. That's when we truly realize how abundant life is with Him.
And once on the platform, which way do the trains come from? Do I ask someone? Do I make eye contact? Nope. Independent Me is going to act like I'm bored, yawn a little, and calmly scan every bit of signage I can make out through the fog. Didn't work. A kind elderly black man pointed me in the right direction after offering me a seat.
So why am I so stuck in the suburbs? Why was I so extremely uncomfortable being the only white woman at the station? I mean, I've traveled the world. I know all about cultural sensitivity, right? I mean, I carry a Honduran purse and have a cool wooden keychain that says "Honduras." I ate at Qdoba for dinner - ya know, white girls' mexican food. I sponsor a World Vision child from Swaziland. And well, the whole malaria thing, that really makes me cultural, right? Oh, and one of my favorite CDs is Nicole C. Mullen. And man, she rocked Scottrade Center today! That all makes me a well-rounded, culturalized soccer mom, eh?
But seriously, my own city? I feel more comfortable flying across oceans to remote villages than riding the metro? That's just shear stupidity. Ignorance of a suburbanite. And I'm ashamed.
One of the most profound moments I've ever had in my walk with the Lord was the first year I went to Honduras. I remember singing and clapping in the little village's church as they praised God in worship in Spanish. Somehow it finally clicked: I've been worshiping the Great American God of Abundance; I've had an American God all my life. And in that moment I was given a purer glimpse of the God of the Universe. Oh, I've known in my head He's the God of the Universe. But seeing the diversity of His children as they praised Him for what He had given them - Himself - it just made me want to hang my head in shame. I had considered God's "blessings" to be the things of this world, rather than the pure love that He has for all of us. And that's a blessing we all have available to us.
That's what Love. Loud. is all about. It's about breaking down barriers and loving beyond borders. It's about making the available love of our God the tangible, realized love of God.
So my first step to getting myself "diversified?" Heading down with RR to the inner city to hand out sandwiches and water to the homeless.
Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Abundant life doesn't equal a posh, suburbanite life with all the trimmings. It's the moments when we are held by Him because of our need. That's when we truly realize how abundant life is with Him.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
All in a day's work...
Jacob hollars from the garage, "Mommy, I potty in da twunk." Of the van. Um-hum.
Em informs me, "There's so much drama in 4th grade." Yup. Get used to it.
Grant is positive the yellow on his teeth is supposed to be there. God made it that way.
Em informs me, "There's so much drama in 4th grade." Yup. Get used to it.
Grant is positive the yellow on his teeth is supposed to be there. God made it that way.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Financial Peace University
First class was tonight. I have high hopes. This is like our budget on Weight Watchers.
Friday, May 9, 2008
The State of Undone
Undone. That's all there is around me.
Laundry to fold - the size of Mt. Everest.
Laundry to wash - the size of Kilimanjaro.
Toys to be picked up.
Boxes to be unpacked.
Emails to be returned.
Books to return to the library.
Books to be picked up at the library.
Dishes to be washed.
Dishes to be put away.
Papers to be filed.
Papers to be shredded.
Papers to be dealt with.
Closets to be organized - even just minimally.
Pictures to hang.
Pictures to upload.
Mission trip to plan.
Dr. to find.
Stuff to be given away.
Stuff to sort.
Rooms to paint.
Furniture to arrange.
Furniture to be bought.
Budget to be wrangled.
Yet another Wal-Mart trip because I forgot three things.
So, maybe in another 6 months of being in this house I'll be able to move to the State of Satisfaction, even though I should already be there. Some trips just have more pit stops than others.
Laundry to fold - the size of Mt. Everest.
Laundry to wash - the size of Kilimanjaro.
Toys to be picked up.
Boxes to be unpacked.
Emails to be returned.
Books to return to the library.
Books to be picked up at the library.
Dishes to be washed.
Dishes to be put away.
Papers to be filed.
Papers to be shredded.
Papers to be dealt with.
Closets to be organized - even just minimally.
Pictures to hang.
Pictures to upload.
Mission trip to plan.
Dr. to find.
Stuff to be given away.
Stuff to sort.
Rooms to paint.
Furniture to arrange.
Furniture to be bought.
Budget to be wrangled.
Yet another Wal-Mart trip because I forgot three things.
So, maybe in another 6 months of being in this house I'll be able to move to the State of Satisfaction, even though I should already be there. Some trips just have more pit stops than others.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
More Marbles
Why do two year olds gravitate toward massive mess makers - like baby powder???? Aagghh!
I sure hope EC does well at 4th grade camp. Since all three brothers have been sick this week with the nasties, I really, really want her to be completely healthy the whole time she's gone.
How can I continue to be amazed when God answers prayer, as if it was completely unexpected? I ought to know by now that He loves to answer our prayers exactly as we have prayed them, and it shouldn't surprise me when He answers. But it always does.
Any chance dust has health benefits that would make it silly to remove it?
I sure hope EC does well at 4th grade camp. Since all three brothers have been sick this week with the nasties, I really, really want her to be completely healthy the whole time she's gone.
How can I continue to be amazed when God answers prayer, as if it was completely unexpected? I ought to know by now that He loves to answer our prayers exactly as we have prayed them, and it shouldn't surprise me when He answers. But it always does.
Any chance dust has health benefits that would make it silly to remove it?
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
No.
No. Thank you for thinking of me, though.
No. I don't think that will work.
No. I just don't think this is the right time for me to do that.
No. I'm really not interested.
No. Sounds like a great idea, though.
No. Not right now.
No. I just need to concentrate on home right now.
No. I hope you find the right person.
No.
No.
No.
Sorry. Just practicing.
No. I don't think that will work.
No. I just don't think this is the right time for me to do that.
No. I'm really not interested.
No. Sounds like a great idea, though.
No. Not right now.
No. I just need to concentrate on home right now.
No. I hope you find the right person.
No.
No.
No.
Sorry. Just practicing.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Help Me, Doctor!
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
I'm completely inept at leading a medical mission team. I've never led any kind of team. Never been on a medical team. And here I am leading a medical team. What is God thinking?! I know He has called me to this mission. I have seen His hand at work. I have a completely staffed team with folks on the waiting list. The only space left is for a physician, which I don't have. And I've just been turned down by about the fifth doctor.
I've been trying to be so positive about it. There's got to be a really magnificent reason God is waiting so long to bring us a doctor. I did, just last week, receive an email from a lady I was about to email and ask for the exact information she sent me.
Or maybe I haven't heard Him right. Maybe I'm too frazzled to lead this team. Plain ol' inept.
I keep thinking of Pastor Mike's tried and true adage:
I'm completely inept at leading a medical mission team. I've never led any kind of team. Never been on a medical team. And here I am leading a medical team. What is God thinking?! I know He has called me to this mission. I have seen His hand at work. I have a completely staffed team with folks on the waiting list. The only space left is for a physician, which I don't have. And I've just been turned down by about the fifth doctor.
I've been trying to be so positive about it. There's got to be a really magnificent reason God is waiting so long to bring us a doctor. I did, just last week, receive an email from a lady I was about to email and ask for the exact information she sent me.
Or maybe I haven't heard Him right. Maybe I'm too frazzled to lead this team. Plain ol' inept.
I keep thinking of Pastor Mike's tried and true adage:
God doesn't call the qualified; He qualifies the called.
Oh boy, am I bankin' on that one.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Dear Pope,
I've carried this newspaper clipping around in my Bible since Pope John Paul II visited St. Louis in 1999. Apparently, people were asked to send in a message to the Pope, and the only name attributed to this one is "Henlin." I thought it relevant with the arrival of Pope Benedict XVI and befitting for today, so thought I'd share.
For those in personal pain, will you remind them that Jesus never gave himself for our righteousness, but He gave himself for our sins. The first link between my soul and Jesus is not my goodness but my badness, not my merit, but my misery, not my standing, but my failings, not my riches, but my need. He came to visit His people not to admire their beauties, but to remove their deformities, not to reward their virtues, but to forgive their sins.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Close Up
Any guesses on what this is???
It's not a Beluga whale sticking its tongue out. But it is just as fascinating. This came after the spilled milk on the counter from which I gracefully rescued the library book from its sure demise and the spilled apple juice on the floor that my shoes are still sticking to no matter how many times I've cleaned it up, but before I discovered the empty (gallon-sized) jug of distilled water in the pantry. I was tipped off by the purple lid mysteriously lying on the kitchen floor. JD says he drank it (yuck!) and I don't see a drop of water anywhere and his clothes are dry. When I asked him where the rest of it went (granted, it was not a full jug), he just stuck his finger down his throat. So I'm apt to believe him. Ignorance is bliss. Perhaps a foreshadowing of his teenage years when I will find jugs of milk emptied without the use of a glass and returned to the fridge.
And that's just today...
Okay, somebody's got to ask what that's a picture of! Or at least make a good guess!
It's not a Beluga whale sticking its tongue out. But it is just as fascinating. This came after the spilled milk on the counter from which I gracefully rescued the library book from its sure demise and the spilled apple juice on the floor that my shoes are still sticking to no matter how many times I've cleaned it up, but before I discovered the empty (gallon-sized) jug of distilled water in the pantry. I was tipped off by the purple lid mysteriously lying on the kitchen floor. JD says he drank it (yuck!) and I don't see a drop of water anywhere and his clothes are dry. When I asked him where the rest of it went (granted, it was not a full jug), he just stuck his finger down his throat. So I'm apt to believe him. Ignorance is bliss. Perhaps a foreshadowing of his teenage years when I will find jugs of milk emptied without the use of a glass and returned to the fridge.
And that's just today...
Okay, somebody's got to ask what that's a picture of! Or at least make a good guess!
The Love Triangle
I've thought a lot about the Trinity lately. While I believe with my whole heart that when the Scripture says "I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me," (Isaiah 46:9 among others) that it means there is ONE God. We understand Him as one who reveals Himself to us in three Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Kinda like I'm a mom, daughter, and wife. One me. Three representations.
I can see how others have difficulty reconciling some of the tough questions about the Trinity. I mean, the first whole-church committee meeting (that'd be the Council of Nicaea) lasted for an entire month just to make sure everybody was on the same page about the Trinity. And I agree whole-heartedly with their conclusion: God the Father and God the Son are of the same substance, co-existent, and co-eternal. They're ONE. Not merely one in purpose, but one in being.
Now, that leads me to my questions that I haven't resolved yet.
In praying for our Love. Loud. initiative, I'm reading the daily scriptures on our little tear-out sheet. Last Monday's included John 14:16-17:
I can see how others have difficulty reconciling some of the tough questions about the Trinity. I mean, the first whole-church committee meeting (that'd be the Council of Nicaea) lasted for an entire month just to make sure everybody was on the same page about the Trinity. And I agree whole-heartedly with their conclusion: God the Father and God the Son are of the same substance, co-existent, and co-eternal. They're ONE. Not merely one in purpose, but one in being.
Now, that leads me to my questions that I haven't resolved yet.
In praying for our Love. Loud. initiative, I'm reading the daily scriptures on our little tear-out sheet. Last Monday's included John 14:16-17:
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you
forever - the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither
sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and
will be in you.
Why does Jesus have to ask the Father to give the Counselor? Couldn't He just as easily have said, "And you will have a Counselor...?" He was obviously confident in the result since he said he will give it. And why another Counselor? If Jesus and the Spirit are One, why another Counselor? Why not, "I'll be with you as the Counselor?"
But wait. I think the Spirit of Truth is opening my eyes a bit. Thinking of the whole of scripture (which is how all our beliefs should be arrived at - not merely personally pleasing verses, nor should our beliefs be discredited by unpleasing verses) Christ has always been our Mediator, our High Priest. He is the One who intercedes for us to the Father so it's perfectly understandable that He would ask for the Holy Spirit for us, knowing we would need the presence of a Counselor with us at all times, just as He Himself had been with the disciples as their Counselor (which, by the way, is one of the ways Jews defined "messiah"). Does that make them not one? Hmm...
In John Gill's Exposition of the Bible, he says there "is no inconsiderable proof of a trinity of persons in the Godhead." Take out that silly double negative and what he's saying is there is considerable proof of the Trinity. There's much more good stuff on that link, and my brain is hurting, and my kids are hungry. So that's enough for today. Need to turn this from a knowledge issue to a heart issue anyway. I'm interested in your thoughts on this. One way or another, the Spirit is with me and is in me. Cool. In and round. Comforting.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Marbles...at least the ones that aren't completely lost
Laundry is a curse of the devil. I shouldn't have to do laundry until the drawers are empty. Unfortunately, that means I have a Mt. Everest of blue jeans and dirty underwear in my closet. Guess I should rebuke the curse and pray for a miracle.
I have too many opinions and need to learn to leave some of them in my head. Although, what good is an opinion if it isn't voiced?
Sure wish I could lose this 10 extra pounds by flipping past "Get Ripped in 90 Days" for the eleventh time. I'm going to get it off by summer. We have a subdivision pool now, for cryin' out loud.
Who decides the "preparation time" on recipes anyway? I only try ones that say 15 mintues or less because that means I'll actually have something in the oven in about 45.
It's hilarious that I've got my kids eating brownies with spinach in them. And they now prefer the cheap Aldi mac and cheese if I put pureed squash in it. Cracks me up.
Nope. I don't think God would call me away from my family to do His work (see yesterday's post). I think the enemy tries to use the "good" things to keep me from focusing on the "great" things. He's like a mouse - he can get through the smallest holes and wreak havoc on families.
My friend Kelley is inspiring and I wish I could write like her. Her randoms are a hoot. I'll keep trying to learn from her and enjoy her blog.
I have too many opinions and need to learn to leave some of them in my head. Although, what good is an opinion if it isn't voiced?
Sure wish I could lose this 10 extra pounds by flipping past "Get Ripped in 90 Days" for the eleventh time. I'm going to get it off by summer. We have a subdivision pool now, for cryin' out loud.
Who decides the "preparation time" on recipes anyway? I only try ones that say 15 mintues or less because that means I'll actually have something in the oven in about 45.
It's hilarious that I've got my kids eating brownies with spinach in them. And they now prefer the cheap Aldi mac and cheese if I put pureed squash in it. Cracks me up.
Nope. I don't think God would call me away from my family to do His work (see yesterday's post). I think the enemy tries to use the "good" things to keep me from focusing on the "great" things. He's like a mouse - he can get through the smallest holes and wreak havoc on families.
My friend Kelley is inspiring and I wish I could write like her. Her randoms are a hoot. I'll keep trying to learn from her and enjoy her blog.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Bugs! Bugs! Bugs!
Bugs. I've got a ton of them and I can't weed out the good ones from the perfect ones. I've got the Love. Loud. bug, the small group bug, the Honduras bug, the fight malaria bug (ok, so that was a real bug but we got rid of that one), the build an outreach center bug, the two year olds get it bug, the Financial Peace bug, and the prayer team bug.
And I've been asked to hold two leadership positions in two different organizations.
Now how am I supposed to know what God really wants me to do? And would God call me away from my family to do His work?
I really wish I had a bigger view of God. In his article titled "When You Have Two Good Choices" Dr. Pritchard says
It’s not about your decisions, and it’s not about your future, and it’s not even about you. It’s all about God. When we start from that perspective, we can make our decisions even in times of doubt and uncertainty, and we can sleep well at night knowing that our God will put all the pieces together in exactly the right way.
Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Tales of a fourth grade...something
I enrolled my kids in public school for the first time last week. They've adjusted very well from their homeschool environment to the jaws of government-run "socialization." I'll speak my mind about that later. It really has been great for them (and me) for lots of reasons. But the timing, oh my goodness. My 4th grader has already come home with
- an eye witness account of three boys getting sent to the principal's office (shocked the bejeebies out of her!)
- 4th grade camp packet
- two requests for money
- the permission slip to watch the "Growth and Development" video
Um. Yeah. Welcome to the world of public education! Seriously though, it's been a great exerience so far and the kids are loving going to school. I'm not getting anything more done at home because I took away JD and MG's playmates and my helpers. But I am free from the full weight of that responsibility. Refreshment is definitely what I need.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
The B Word
Since we're embarking on an awesome new capital initiative at church, I'm starting to get serious about the B word. However, I've decided that budget is a much better noun. It's the transitive verb I can't seem to accomplish. Stinkin' debit card! "Swiper! No swiping!"
Friday, April 4, 2008
Inaugural post
I'm so inspired by my fellow bloggers, I've decided to spend my spare 8 minutes a day diffusing my thoughts onto a keyboard. And for this first post, how better to utilize this space than by sharing a glimpse of the other 1,432 minutes.
I have four precious kiddos that keep me more than busy (precious is used here kind of like "bless his heart"). The youngest, JD, is two and a half. Um-hm. It's a good thing he's so cute. Otherwise I'm not sure he'd have a place to sleep tonight.
Let me recap.
JD is a scientist and loves to experiment with water, wherever he can find it. Sink. Puddles. Fridge door. Toilet. Cups. It's when they get all mixed together that I get a little freaked out. But when he discovered his bathroom step stool has a hinged lid and a cup was handy, he got the bright idea to fill up that little storage compartment with water. Not sure where the water came from. I'm really hoping it was the sink, because, of course, the step stool storage compartment isn't meant to hold water. By the time I found him the floor was flooded.
JD is also quite artistic. He has lots of different canvases: important papers, walls, hardwood floors, himself. And today his medium of choice was stamps - on the wall. Mind you we have a brand new house. Told ya it was a good thing he was cute.
JD is really into taking off dirty diapers. It's such a precious thing to find him bouncing on the sofa, diaperless.
JD is content in the bathtub. He's often with a brother in the tub and (ahem) supervised. But when biggest brother was doubled over with a stomach ache, I decided I better check out webMD to see if we were having an appendicitis attack. I should've known better. JD decided he was done with his bath and got his wet self out of the tub, dripped to his bedroom where he did the whole fling-the-clothes-out-of-the-drawer-until-I-find-my-favorite-jammies thing.
That's one of the four children.
And that's just today.
I have four precious kiddos that keep me more than busy (precious is used here kind of like "bless his heart"). The youngest, JD, is two and a half. Um-hm. It's a good thing he's so cute. Otherwise I'm not sure he'd have a place to sleep tonight.
Let me recap.
JD is a scientist and loves to experiment with water, wherever he can find it. Sink. Puddles. Fridge door. Toilet. Cups. It's when they get all mixed together that I get a little freaked out. But when he discovered his bathroom step stool has a hinged lid and a cup was handy, he got the bright idea to fill up that little storage compartment with water. Not sure where the water came from. I'm really hoping it was the sink, because, of course, the step stool storage compartment isn't meant to hold water. By the time I found him the floor was flooded.
JD is also quite artistic. He has lots of different canvases: important papers, walls, hardwood floors, himself. And today his medium of choice was stamps - on the wall. Mind you we have a brand new house. Told ya it was a good thing he was cute.
JD is really into taking off dirty diapers. It's such a precious thing to find him bouncing on the sofa, diaperless.
JD is content in the bathtub. He's often with a brother in the tub and (ahem) supervised. But when biggest brother was doubled over with a stomach ache, I decided I better check out webMD to see if we were having an appendicitis attack. I should've known better. JD decided he was done with his bath and got his wet self out of the tub, dripped to his bedroom where he did the whole fling-the-clothes-out-of-the-drawer-until-I-find-my-favorite-jammies thing.
That's one of the four children.
And that's just today.
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