Thankful Fors

This came as a challenge from a friend to write out 20 things I'm thankful for.

1. My kids' giggles. And their belly laughs.
2. Music that reaches my soul and brings about change in my life.
3. That my son's "worst day ever" was because he didn't get his math homework done and actually had to stay in from recess.
4. My front porch rocking chairs.
5. Chocolate covered strawberries (and in a pinch, strawberries and chocolate ice cream).
6. Memories of sitting on my daddy's lap watching football on a black and white TV. And that I get to continue that tradition with my kiddos (except instead of a black and white, we have no Tivo and no HD).
7. Country music.
8. The most amazing friends that have seen me at my worst (like with Jr. High hair and everything!), loved me through my insecurities and fears, and challenged me to get over myself. And they still like me. I really can't believe I have so many kindred spirits.
9. Morning Star Church for the balance they have provided for me in nurturing and ministering to me and challenging me to reach out beyond myself and serve others. I seriously cannot imagine who I would be today if we had not said yes to Morning Star 11 years ago. (Yep. In the fall of '98 we sat in Mike and Dede's living room and said, "We're in!" What an awesome ride it has been and will be!)
10. The privilege of experiencing life enter this world and leave it - the most spiritual moments of my life.
11. Planned Parenthood commercials for Plan B that open up great conversation with my daughter. Who knew? Glad I went there - even with the boys in the car.
12. Generations of a Christian heritage that has shaped who I am and who my children will be.
13. Photography that captures raw beauty and reality.
14. My Jesus. And for the growing awareness that He really is my Jesus.
15. Books, books and more books.
16. My experiences on mission trips because even though it sounds self-serving, they absolutely have shaped my view of the world, God, and myself since 8th grade. And the struggle that I go through processing all that I see. It's worth it. It's even worth it that I have more questions than answers.
17. A fire crackling in the fireplace and the perfect roasted marshmallow. (I'm really really good at them. I'm out for hire. You can pay me with chocolate and graham crackers.)
18. Facebook. How corny is that? But seriously, I have reconnected with friends that are in the pit of hell and reaching out to me. And friends that I never should have lost touch with. Just the other night I chatted for 2 hours with my reconnected best friend. I snorted. I cried. And I am planning a trip to the East Coast to hug her neck.
19. For my husband who puts up with my peppiness, and my crabbiness. No wonder he's so even keel.
20. Our home. I still feel guilty for having it because our old one was "too small." But it's beautiful and homey and warm. And I can keep the people I love comfortable and safe in it. Too many mommas don't have that opportunity.

Honduras Bound!

My hope is to be able to update my blog while we're in Honduras with videos and interviews. Um...I kinda need to figure out how to get videos on here, so you get to see my amateur videography efforts. Sorry. It's actually from last year when we asked the kiddos at Morning Star to donate vitamins.

Remembering 9/11

Here's what I wrote in my scrapbook shortly after Sept. 11, 2001

Tuesday morning, Sept. 11, 2001, I turned on the Today Show on NBC to catch the 8a.m. news. At 8:04 they broke to show a plane that had crashed into one of the World Trade Center towers. As I watched, a second plane crashed into Tower Two. Immediately the announcers speculated terrorism. This was no accident. These are the details in the order I remember:
*One of the planes was reportedly hijacked.
*Up to 50,000 people work in the two towers.
*Tower Two tumbles to the ground about 45 minutes after the crash.
*Minutes later Tower One collapses.
*People are frantically running; many had jumped from the buildings.
*A plane crashes into one of the wings of the Pentagon.
*Planes were commercial flights with people on them - no numbers yet.
*Took Emilee to preschool at 9:30. I told her lots of people got hurt today when the planes crashed into buildings. She asked, "Why can't God make the planes not crash into the buildings?" I just explained that people make their own choices and when they don't know God or don't listen to Him, they make very bad choices. She immediately replied, "Like Jonah. He didn't listen to God and got thrown 'over-the-board' and a big fish ate him up."
*A fourth hijacked plane crashes in Pennsylvania headed for Camp David.
*Hundreds injured and at NYC hospitals.
*President Bush leaves Florida for Washington, but Air Force One goes to Louisiana where Bush makes a video-taped statement.
*Bush in Nebraska in bunker and conferences with Colin Powell in South America and Condelisa Rise in the White House.
*All four planes confirmed hijacked.
*Hospitals concerned that they're not busy enough - too many presumed dead.
*Osama bin Laden prime suspect.
*People walking miles to get home - all mass transit shut down - tunnels, bridges closed.
*Shoe store owner starts handing out shoes to many who discarded their dress shoes either in the stairs of the Trade Center or on the street.
*As many as 200 firefighters and 68 policemen missing and feared dead.
*First "missing" number at around 1,500. Family members searching for their missing loved ones, holding pictures asking if anyone has seen them.
*Thick ash and debris including papers cover streets, cars, buildings and people up to 3 inches deep.
*White House and Capital Hill officials taken to "secure locations;" some moved more than once.
*I have to do something to feel like I'm protecting my family so I head to the grocery store and stock up for the week.
*I feel absolute insecurity and vulnerability.
*Everywhere people seem to be very solemn - even the stores broadcast the news.
*America is on alert.
*Airlines across the nation are shut down; many stranded in airports until further notice.
*Numbers rise; missing are into the thousands now, but fewer than one hundred are confirmed dead.
*Operation Noble Eagle, Operation Infinite Justice - Bush quickly alerts all military and begins positioning for a strike back.
*On Thursday, Sept. 13, Bush addresses both Houses of Government as well as the world in an historical speech: "those who are responsible and those who harbor them..." "either you are with us or you are against us..." "We will not falter, we will not tire, we will not fail!"
*Tony Blair, British Prime Minister, sits in seat of honor beside First Lady Laura Bush.
*Friday, Sept. 14 a "day of Prayer and Rememberance" honors all the dead and missing and their families.
*Bush participates at the National Cathedral singing hymns, praying, and speaking; he has tears in his eyes.
*Days go by and presumed dead at WTC, Pentagon and on planes soars to about 5,000.
*Football, baseball, golf scheduled events are cancelled.
*Many give blood as a way to do something. I gave on Wed., Sept. 12 at the St. Charles County Community College. I arrived at 10:20a.m. and was #537.
*Airlines begin again by the weekend, but limited flights.
*America strikes back on Sunday, Sept. 23 as US and British planes bombed key Taliban terroist training camps after wiping out their air power (airports, military targets, etc.)
*Most Arab countries protest; feel it's "harsh."
*Bin Laden has videotaped message with more threats but obviously recorded before strikes.
*America is confident.

Um...clarifications?

1. A whole Gospel approach to meeting the needs of "the least" includes salvation through Jesus Christ. I'm often tempted to blur the lines of holy calling and social action. Non-Christians can do social action, and do it quite well. But we are also called to "go" and "make disciples." Yes, it's one complete command given by Christ, but we often do one or the other. We're either really good at going and don't really make disciples. Or we're good at making disciples within our walls without going out. It's just gotta be both.
2. Speaking of "both" - huddling is not wrong. As a matter of fact, it would be terribly wrong to not huddle. I can't imagine how my spiritual growing curve would ever increase if I didn't have corporate worship with my local church family. That 2 hours on Sunday morning is my sustaining safety net that is absolutely necessary. The Bible is clear on that, and my experience proves to me that truth. My encounters with God in the midst of corporate worship have driven me to my knees (like in front of people. That's just weird, so you know it's a God-moment). Our service can't take the place of corporate worship, and our corporate worship can't be our only act of service. Both/and. Never instead.
3. So, Pastor Harvey moves his congregation out to the streets "instead" of Sunday worship, right? Not necessarily. He moves Sunday corporate worship out to the streets. In the crack house cases, they are just holding their worship service in a different location. In the Bible delivery cases, sounds like they gather for worship and then march out the doors as a way of giving the congregation a hands-on teachable moment. And the women meeting with prostitutes is the overflow of that understanding throughout the week. Perhaps in other churches, corporate worship will never look any different as far as time or location - the doors will never close on Sunday morning - but the teaching will be so compelling that every attendee actually plays the game all week long. Sometimes we need to head to the locker room. Sometimes we need some more training. Sometimes we huddle on the sidelines. But most of the time we huddle in the midst of the game. Both/and. Never instead.
   
4. I love analogies and sometimes carry them too far. Pastor Mike has warned me of this tendency of mine. Ahem.
5. Jesus really is the answer for the world today.
6. I think my clarifications will need clarification.
   

Train. Huddle. Play.

Warning: This post is raw and unedited. Translation: It's likely incoherent, uppity and offensive. And probably incomplete at best and flat out wrong at worst.

I'm processing the Leadership Summit from today and honestly, I'm not sure why I'm even at a "leadership" conference. I'm not a leader of a team, I don't have the role of leader in the church as most of the other folks attending do, and I've never even been in the business world. (Maybe that's why The Office isn't funny to me either.) This is not my first time at the Willow Creek Association's LS, but I pretty much came this year for two reasons: 1) My husband signed me up. 2) Bono is speaking tomorrow.

Apparently, God has some reasons for me to be here. For four years now I've been on a journey to be in the center of God's will for my life. Ever since I had malaria during pregnancy I have been struck with an insatiable desire to understand and change poverty at its root. While I hate trite answers that have little effect on people and generally make us cringe at their staleness, the answer I keep coming back to is: Jesus. Period. I can hear the song now, "Jesus is the answer / for the world today / above Him there's no other / Jesus is the way." It makes me cringe. How dare I look into the eyes of a starving child or a homeless man and say, "You need Jesus." But as I analyze that insensitive answer and break it down into all the things that are needed to alleviate the suffering that I see under my nose and across the oceans, I spiral to a deeper level of understanding that brings me face to face with the truth: Jesus is the answer.

But perhaps it's a broader sense that I've never considered before. While Jesus is the answer for hopelessness and poverty, it doesn't necessarily come from us bringing Him to "the least of these." It comes from us recognizing that He is "the least of these." So I can't walk up to someone with the "You need Jesus" proclamation. I have to see that I need Jesus. I need to know Him fully. I need to embrace the whole Gospel! I need to serve Him with the depth of passionate love that I have for Him. That's how Jesus is the answer. Me knowing Him and serving Him.

When I read Matt. 25 I'm struck by the fact that Jesus says when we meet the needs of the least we are doing it to Him. Not in His name. Not for Him. To Him. The Greek word is eis and indicates that the point is reached or entered with intent and purpose. That's wow to me. Perhaps because I've gotten just enough of a taste of Him, reached Him just enough, that I can't satiate the desire to know Him more - to enter into Him with intention and purpose.

So what's this have to do with the leadership summit? Well, right off the bat Bill Hybels challenges leaders to "advocate for the powerless and hold the powerful accountable." Gary Hamel, ranked #1 as "The World's Most Influential Business Thinker" in 2008 by The Wall Street Journal, questioned, "Are you more committed to redemption and renewal or to practices and programs?" A lesson on the prodigal son in which Tim Keller pointed out that the elder brother was as lost as the younger brother, and only one of them came in to the feast. Being lost isn't just about wrong-doing, it's also right-doing for the wrong reasons.

But Harvey Carey hit the homerun for me with this word-picture: You've purchased the best seats at your favorite game. Cost you a fortune. Crowd's excited; everybody's on their feet. The place is electrifying. The team comes out and gets everybody even more excited. Then they huddle up. Whoo-hoo! Five minutes pass. They're still huddled up. Thirty minutes pass. Still huddled. After an hour they finally break! Game time, right? They run right back off the field. That's what churches have done. We huddle up on Sunday morning and then run back off the field. It's time to get in the game! Go play! God has paid too high a price for us to just huddle up! We have to take ownership of the Word and quit letting ourselves off the hook! Sunday is the day to play the game! With one paid staff member, this church has taken a Bible to every home in their zip code. Suburban women show up in the middle of the night to walk with prostitutes and give them hope. They have shut down 8 (EIGHT!) crack houses by showing up on Sundays (when the rest of the Christians are huddled up and the people who need Jesus are on the streets) and holding church right in front of them! Ain't nobody gonna be walking in there to buy drugs!

Stop with the excuses. Believe the Gospel. Play. The. Game.

I've been trained for living the Gospel my whole life. I've been huddling for years. And now I'm trying to play the game. I think I've been running the sidelines and stepping inbounds every now and then. I'm still trying to figure out what it looks like for me. It's not Detroit. It's not Pastor Harvey's church. I have a mission right here in St. Charles County. Parts of it I know. Pieces are coming together. But I gotta play. And not just on Sundays.

Conversation with a Three Year Old (3yo)

Seriously. I wrote this down as soon as we had this conversation.

3yo: White is supposed to be lightning. What is supposed to be green?
Mom: Watermelon
3yo: Why?
Mom: So you can eat it. (???)
3yo: Like you eat minutes?
Mom: Yes. Like you eat minutes.

You can check out my conversation with a two year old and see how we've changed in a year.

Okay, I think I'm ready...

So it's been two months since returning home from Guatemala and I'm still trying to answer my Veinte Preguntas.
12. Responsibility. This "what is my responsibility" question is pretty big. Perhaps the question I really want to ask is "What does God expect of me?"
I could explain this with a whole bunch of words, even great scriptures, but regardless of how many directions I try to come at this question, I end up with the same answer:
Anything, Something,
and Everything.
13. Is this really about changing the situation for the poor, or should it be about changing the attitude of the rich? We can't change the situation for the poor until we change the attitude of the rich. And the rich need to know that they're rich.
14. Is it okay to serve people with the expectation that I will benefit even though I know that’s not the right attitude? Well, is it better not to serve until I get it right? I think God knows I want to serve with a completely genuine heart, so until I get there He'll do all the forgiving and changing I need.
15. “Can an accident of latitude and longitude really be the difference between life and death?” – Bono It's ridiculous to me that this is true. Not because it doesn't make sense, but because for the first time in history, poverty is "not the result of natural scarcity, but of a set of priorities imposed upon the rest of the world by the rich." (John Berger) Poverty has a myriad of causes and just as many different solutions. But we in the United States have the awareness, access, and ability to be the generation that no longer accepts this reality.
16. Why does God allow people to live in these conditions and allow us to live in our conditions? I'm afraid He's asking me the same question.

Working on it...

I'm still trying to figure out Q12: What is my responsibility in all this? Haven't gotten it all worked out yet, but it has something to do with Micah 6:8.

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

Tres Más Repuestas

You may want to reference this post for the original questions. And I give myself permission to change my answers about every 24 hours.

9. Selling everything I own: I really struggle with this one. I don't think Christ's declaration to the rich young ruler to "go and sell everything and give to the poor" is a blanket statement for all Christians or all rich people. But mostly I don't think that only because every teacher I've ever heard talk about it has told me that - including my NIV Study Bible cheater notes. But when I see such a discrepancy in the distribution of wealth around the world, I can't help but think that God is whispering (or maybe screaming) to the wealthy, "Share!"
I truly feel that the majority of our problems and frustrations (current economic situation included) revolve around our love of stuff: stuff that needs to be fixed, stuff that's in the way, stuff we're trying to get, stuff that needs to be maintained, stuff that someone else has, stuff that we don't need. So the idea of selling everything is actually quite appealing to me - at least as I consider it as an option. But if I really felt God was telling me to sell it all, would I? I think so. But then the question becomes, "Would I hear Him?"

10. Faith: She does.

11. What can we really do? The question has come up that our idea of what is "quality of life" is vastly different than the "majority" world's idea, so why should we be trying to change them? They don't need a two story house with 2.5 children and an office job and a bank account. Our standard of what is needed is terribly skewed. True. However, this is not okay with me:
This is a squatter's home. There is nothing temporary about it. This is a family whose mother ran off with another man, whose dad works long hard hours in the sugar cane fields and whose oldest daughter (16) is pregnant and will have her baby here accompanied by rats, cockroaches, and parasites. No matter how many women throughout the history of the world have given birth in conditions such as this (including Mary, the mother of Jesus), this is not okay with me. Because it is common, or because they "don't know any different," or because it is the culture does not make it any less painful or difficult for those living this life. I believe this kind of poverty breaks the heart of God.

As we stood in this "home," we were dumbfounded as to where one would even begin to make a difference. What could we possibly do that would improve their situation, make it more bearable or begin to dig them out of this squalor? Well, I think we brought in a few answers and didn't even know it. For one, our presence, we are told, is extremely encouraging to those we visit. Their story is being heard, their lives matter to someone, and they are known. They have hope just because someone from the outside has peeked into their life. I was also in awe of our team leader who pulled aside the three little boys and gave them a good old fashioned talking to about being a man and honoring God and treating others, especially women, with respect. He talked to them about working hard to provide for their family one day, just as their father was doing, to finish their education and grow up to be responsible men of God. I wonder if that little pep talk might just have made all the difference in the world.
But perhaps the thing that God wanted us to do the most was this:
This bowl of food (and the bowl itself is just as valuable) cost about US$10 and will feed this family of 7 for at least a week. It contained oil, oatmeal, corn meal, rice, vitamin powder and beans. It also contained a Bible, even though most of the family is illiterate. See, we can't go and pray and say, "Be well fed" and do nothing. And we can't go and give food and say, "This is all you need." The hope of Christ really is for everyone, in every situation, at all times. He really can make this family have a different future - a life abundant. He is the one who can make a difference.

Algunas Repuestas*

I really want to answer all the questions from my previous post, and I will eventually, but I'm still chewing on several of them. So, here are the answers that I don't think will change in the next 24 hours.

1. Widow-maker: Since my first two showers in Guatemala were icy cold because this shower contraption didn't work, the desire for warm-enough-to-get-my-whole-body-wet water outweighed the risk of electrocution. I think. One way or another, I'm clean and safe.

2. Good morning songs: I'm questioning my teammates' response to this question because although they gave me heck about being jolly en la mañana they kept asking me for a song. I like the ones with verses.

3. Gigante: No more spottings of our gecko friend. Or any other critter to make my roomies squirm. I think I miss the shriek I heard at that first sighting. But not my daughter's anxiety at falling asleep without knowing for sure Gigante had returned to his outdoor world.

4. Drunk guys with machetes: Just one. Thank goodness for Daniel, a missionary from Alabama who works at Sarita's feeding center. I think he could have picked the guy up with two fingers. He did confiscate the machete. The man was not escorted off the school grounds. Nope. Sarita brought him a bowl of black bean soup and tortillas. I'm still praying for him.

5. Sleep-talking: Um, apparently.

6. Simple ingredients: We had three meals at two different feeding centers. Two at Sarita's (a beautiful woman who has also started a school at the feeding center) and one at La Democracia. Seems to me they all had about the same ingredients. But the taste was incredible. The beans were sorted by hand (enough for 150 servings) and the vegetables diced with precision. Tortillas made fresh every day. Chicken butchered on the grounds and cooked within hours. Freshness certainly plays a role. No short cuts (i.e. microwaves) either. But here's why I think the meals served to the children and us are so delicious: these women prepare this food as if they are serving Christ Himself. And Sarita believes that if you can fill the stomach you can fill the mind, and if you can fill the mind then you can fill the soul.

7. Pickups: Always one more. I really tried to get a picture, but the pickups with at least 20 people ranging in age from infant to 70 with a few animals thrown in for good measure were always going too fast for me to snap a pic.

8. Prayer for me: Think I need to preface this one a little. On our first day we attended a worship service that reminded me so much of Morning Star it wasn't even funny: set up and tear down, parking attendants, drums, guitars and singers, even recognized a couple of the songs in Spanish, and a seriously challenging message (at least what I could understand of the translator, anyway). Worship in foreign cultures is always intriguing to me. Pastor Keith was asked to preach, and can I just say that I'm so glad he's my pastor? He doesn't shy away or back down, and when the pastor of this open-air church (who believes they will reach 12,000 people for Christ in the next four years. Yes, twelve thousand!) asked us to come forward so we could pray together, Keith was in his element. As we stood together with these 50 or so people, the pastor asked for prayers that his people would learn English easily as it opens up doors of opportunity that his people need. As we stood praying together - the United Statesians in silent prayer and the Guatemalans in passionate audible prayer - I was convicted by the fact that I was standing in their country, surrounded by their people, immersed in their culture, and I was praying for them to learn my language??? Even though it's what they want, it felt so arrogant to me. I have been so disappointed in myself for not having put forth more effort to communicate effectively in Spanish. Every year I say I'm going to be fluent before I go back again. And every year I feel ashamed that I have not succeeded. So as I began to pray for forgiveness and ask God to help me be disciplined enough (and humble enough) to learn the language of those I love, I felt a hand on my forehead. As I opened my eyes Pastor Keith looked me straight in the eyes and said, "And help us to learn this language easily - you know I'm praying for YOU, sister." Okay, in all honesty, that was really weird. But the moment of discomfort was replaced with anticipation as I considered that God would actually answer that prayer. So, while I don't think He will give me some miraculous fluency (although I would gladly accept it), I can say that I was definitely more comfortable this week as I tried to communicate in my broken Spanish - not necessarily better, but certainly not as scared. Can't wait to see how this prayer unfolds.

I feel a bit like I'm just relaying details and not getting my heart out here yet. Bear with me. It's bubbling up from deep within, and I know God has been challenging me to analyze a lot of my deep set and longstanding opinions. It'll take me a while to unpack those. Pictures will be coming soon, too.

*Some answers

Veinte Preguntas*

1. How safe is it to use a shower that is heated by an exposed electrical current that has earned the nickname “widow-maker?”

2. Is it really odd that I like to sing Good Morning songs before I’ve had coffee?

3. Will Gigante the Gecko visit us again tonight?

4. How many drunk guys with machetes does it take to freak Brenda out?

5. When Emilee talks in her sleep, do I talk back to her in my sleep?

6. How can such simple ingredients make such delicious food?

7. How many Guatemalans can you fit in the back of a pickup?

8. Even though it was kinda weird and strangely liberating and I’m filled with expectation, will God really answer the prayer that Keith prayed over me to learn Spanish easily?

9. Would I really sell everything I have if God told me to, or is that merely a nice thought because I don’t think He’ll ever ask that of me (and if He did, my husband would flip out anyway)?

10. Do I have enough faith to believe that God will answer the prayer that I prayed over a desperate mother for health and protection for her family and for their physical needs to be met?

11. What can we do that will truly benefit the people we are here to serve and can it really make an impact and improve their quality of life?

12. What is my responsibility in all this?

13. Is this really about changing the situation for the poor, or should it be about changing the attitude of the rich?

14. Is it okay to serve people with the expectation that I will benefit even though I know that’s not the right attitude?

15. “Can an accident of latitude and longitude really be the difference between life and death?” – Bono

16. Why does God allow people to live in these conditions and allow us to live in our conditions?

17. What is God trying to teach me this week?

18. How unnerving is it to have a police escort through Guatemala City?

19. What would God’s perfect will look like on this Guatemalan hillside?

20. Since every person (pastors, Sarita, and several precious children) who has prayed for us has asked God to meet our needs, I'm struck with the question: What are my needs?

*Twenty Questions

Bail, Jesus! Bail!

I can't imagine how tired he was. Jesus was just wiped out. Super long day. Super long week. So he calls all the guys together to take a cruise. They climb in and Jesus heads down to let the lap of the water on the boat lull him to sleep. That's one of my favorite places to nap: out on a boat in the middle of the lake. Ahh...

Now, I've taught this story of Jesus calming the storm to 2 year olds for the last 10 years. It goes something like this:

Jesus and his friends got in their boats. (Pretend to climb in a boat.)
Jesus went to sleep. (Hands to cheek.)
And a storm came and the rain came down. (Pat legs like rain. Wave arms like wind.)
And the thunder crashed. (Clap hands really big.)
And the boat rocked. (Sway side to side.)
And the disciples were scared. (Show me a scared face!)
And Jesus was sleeping. (Hands to cheek.)
"Wake up! Wake up! Help us!"
And Jesus just stood up and told the storm to stop. Say it with me, "Stop, storm. Be still."

Cute. The kids get into it. It's one of my favorites to do with them. Except I've been teaching it WRONG for 10 years.

I reread this story not too long ago and, um, the disciples weren't scared until after Jesus calmed the storm. That's a seemingly small detail, but it brought up a huge question for me.

What were the disciples expecting Jesus to do when they woke him?

These guys are fisherman. They had been in storms before. They knew what needed to be done. Now, I'm not a sailor, but I did go white water rafting once. Our guide told us the most important thing we needed to know was "BAIL!" When he said "bail" we were to grab our bucket and start bailing the water out of the raft as fast as we could. I think that's what the disciples expected Jesus to do. "Get up, dude. Grab a bucket and bail!"

But instead of following their plan and meeting their low expectations, he did something that they couldn't have known was even possible to ask for. They couldn't have fathomed his response. Just tell the storm to stop. Peace. Be still. And it scared the tar out of them.

How often do I do that? I ask Jesus for help and I know exactly how I'd like him to help. I don't usually give him a laundry list, but I often ask for him to intervene in a friend's life in a specific way or ask for discernment on a decision I need to make with options A and B. I'm limited in what I think the options are. And when He answers in a way I couldn't imagine, I'm shocked and in awe. I commented to one of my Honduran friends that I don't know why I'm always so surprised when God answers my prayers. His repsonse: You're not surprised He answers, you're suprised at the way he answers.

So I think I gotta stop asking Jesus to bail.

God Is Not My Girlfriend

Majesty. Glory. Words that really aren't used outside of religious circles except to talk about the Queen of England, purple mountains or sing Bruce Springsteen lyrics. And Christians use them in such nonchalant ways that they have not only lost their meaning, but they make those outside the Christian bubble think, "There they go again with their Christianese."


Unfortunately, the words have lost their luster for me, too. I don't necessarily use them that often, but I sing them in every other song that runs through my head. I think I know the crux of the problem.

I have forgotten that God is really big. Not the Veggie Tales version of God is Bigger than the Boogie Man. I mean really, really BIG. Have you seen Planet Earth??? The ecosystems in this world are magnificently complex. Absolutely incredible. As phenomenal as our earth is, it's just earth. It's just one little speck in this massive universe.


Consider that in our little corner of the galaxy there are an estimated 100,000 sun-like stars, each with the potential of having an earth-size planet. But in the whole Milky Way galaxy? Try 100 billion stars. One Hundred Billion. In one medium sized galaxy. Psalm 33:6 says that God is a star-breather. Just whoosh...have a galaxy. (And scientists at NASA are surprised by how one of the galaxies that "should" be a baby is way older. Hmm, maybe God breathed right there in that out-of-place spot in the universe.) And we can't even estimate how many galaxies there are. As much as I love to read about new discoveries and think it's amazing what science is revealing, we just can't possibly know, much less understand, the complexities of this universe. And I wouldn't put it past God that this is just one universe of many.

And yet He knows my name. There are nearly 7 billion of us right now. And He knows each of our names. That just blows me away. What a majestic, glorious God!

Truly majestic. Astoundingly glorious. Meticulously personal.

Somehow I've dumbed Him down to being my bestie. My bff. My chum. My let's-do-lunch-and-hang-out-a-while girlfriend. There is a delicate balance in understanding His holiness, majesty and glory and having an intimate, real friendship with Him. And right now I need to recognize that God is not my girlfriend.


Note 1: You thought this was gonna be racy, didn't ya?
Note 2: I only used NASA research here because even though History Channel has a great series on the Universe, couldn't find any verification of the numbers they were throwing out - 6 billion solar systems in 125 billion galaxies. Appears History Channel has more info than NASA. Makes me question the validity of the series.
Note 3: Oh, and I'm still considering whether or not I think Jesus is my boyfriend.

Priceless

You know how you sometimes wish you could really savor the truly priceless things in life? And by priceless I mean they don't cost a penny! Since we've been doing Financial Peace University (and so glad we did it before the economy really went bust) we've been using only cash for everything other than church and bills. Unfortunately, I have five lonely dollars left until Friday.

So, what to do about my birthday today? I had thought about a pampering day - manicure, pedicure, lunch out - but woke up chanting my debit card mantra: Swiper, NO SWIPING! And honestly, I feel way too guilty about spending money frivolously, especially on myself.

I got up mostly on time and saw the full moon in the west and the beginnings of sunrise in the east. My wonderful husband wished me a happy birthday and left several wrapped presents for me to open with the kiddos before he hopped a plane to DC for business meetings this week. The kids got ready without too much hassle (the bakery cinnamon rolls I bought on the day-old rack for 80 cents was a great incentive) and the kitchen was clean when we left the house. Priceless.

A friend offered to watch Matthew and Jacob for me this afternoon and they have a blast playing with her kids. I had to completely convince myself that it was really okay to use my free combo meal coupon from Taco Bell on my birthday. I did. Fresco style. It was good. And priceless.

My childhood memories of my birthday are snow days, cold, dreary, find something to do inside days. Not that I didn't enjoy my birthdays - my mom always had some fun project or surprise for me - but today's weather was incredible. Can't remember a birthday with 75 degree sunshiney bliss. So I headed to a wooded park near my home and took a walk, hiked a trail, watched some folks play frisbee golf (okay, that's just a really interesting sport) and made my own trail up a hill that didn't look like it would make my thighs fall off as I stood at the bottom optimistically. I watched a cardinal, woodpecker and two little finches hop from tree to tree. I even got really adventurous and climbed out on a huge tree that was growing over an embankment near a winding creek. Priceless.


Unfortunately, my end goal was to sit out on this beautiful tree and enjoy my surroundings. It should have been how I was going to get back to solid ground. I was up a little higher than I anticipated (not sure the pic does it justice) and once I realized it might be a little difficult to climb down, it was hard to concentrate on what I was supposed to be enjoying. Still, priceless.



I picked the kids up from my friend's and got the older ones from school. Lots of happy birthdays from them and their friends. Once we were home, Emilee and her friend made me a birthday cake - heart shaped strawberry. While it cooled we rode bikes to the park down the street (yep, even me!) where I tried my skills on the monkey bars (failed), pull up bar (failed), twisty slide (moderate success), and crooked tunnel that Jacob looked back at me and said, "C'mon, Mommy. Can you fit?" Army crawl = success! Priceless.



Fixed a quick dinner while the kids decorated the cake. Emilee did "Happy," Matthew did "Birthday," Grant did "Mom" and Jacob, well, he tested the chocolate frosting. Oh, that is most definitely priceless! (And strawberry cake with chocolate frosting doesn't taste a whole lot like chocolate covered strawberries, but it'll eat.)

The kids singing me happy birthday, Jacob belting it out and then helping me blow out the candles: Priceless.

So, pennies saved. Joy multiplied. Mind refreshed. God encountered. Absolutely priceless.

25 Random Things About Me

1. I was a crazy kid and ended up in the ER every other year from age 2 to 14. Included in those visits was a boiling water incident that is still vivid in my memory, a broken back from a fall from a garden hose wrapped in a tree (ahem), and a tetnus shot from a cute little field mouse that I caught but it decided to take a bite out of my finger.
2. I met my husband on a mission trip to Israel. I knew I was falling in love with him when we were standing on a stairwell leading up to the homes on top of the Old City in Jerusalem. Ohh, his eyes when he looked at me. *sigh*
3. My favorite room in our home is the study at midnight. I turn on the bookcase lights, the piano light and practice away. It's serene and peaceful.
4. I feel guilty that I have a home with a study. Most of the homes I've seen around the world have 8 people living in a space the size of my study.
5. I have never tasted beer, seen Chicago, or worked a full time job for more than 6 months.
6. I have white water rafted, been in the crown of the Statue of Liberty, stepped in the Jordan River, and had a non-paying 24/7 job for the last 11 years.
7. My greatest fear is that I will make too many mistakes with my kids. I second-guess every decision I make that involves them. My dad says there are three things you can do to help your kids: 1. Pray 2. Pray and 3. Pray again.
8. I would sell everything I have tomorrow and take my family to Honduras if God told me to. Or any other poverty-stricken country where I could hold the hands of children, encourage the people, and give relevant, tangible love that changes the course of that nation.
9. I'm self-diagnosed with Child-Induced ADD and Placental Drain. (My theory is that during pregnancy all the good brain cells go to the placenta. The placenta goes in the trash. I've done that four times.)
10. I once started a book on procrastination.
11. My brother said I should've been a stand up comedian. My mom thinks I should've been a lawyer (because I can talk my way out of anything). I disagree with both, but is there a difference?
12. My dad is the smartest person I know, the most diplomatic, and the most humble. He was a chemist with Halliburton for years, has over 400 patents and turned down an invitation into Mensa. But I asked him why the sky is blue when I was 8. After a half hour my eyes were spinning and I heard him say something about light and dust particles. He's also drawn me the molecular structure of Splenda and trans fats (which was really cool, by the way). Ironically, the only B I got in high school was in science.
13. My greatest struggle is with pride. Need to learn from my dad some more. But I've heard it said to humble yourself - before God does it for you. Continuous challenge, but I try.
14. I've collected quotes since college and have a notebook where I write them down. I have plans to make a border of all my favorite quotes in the powder room. It will be reading material for all our guests.
15. The most numb I have ever been was when I was lying in the hospital 4 months pregnant and the doctor said I had malaria. I never thought I'd have to make the choice between me or my baby and there I was facing the unknown. But at the same time knowing that somehow God was going to make it okay. Even if He took my baby. He didn't. And we named him Jacob, because I wrestled with God over that whole ordeal. Which is all about control, which is a direct descendant of #13.
16. I carried my Bible everyday of high school and wore a homemade sweatshirt that said (front) "Jam with me cuz..." (back) "I'm jammin' with Jesus." Oh, dear God, please forgive me.
17. One of the best compliments I've ever received was the first semester (okay, only semester) teaching 1st grade. Little Derek was holding my hand skipping down the hall to the bus and said, "I'm gonna remember you all the way to college!" All I could think was, "I hope you make it to college, little buddy."
18. I went to Oklahoma Baptist University and roomed with my best friend since jr. high, Jan. I was one of two females in the Intro to Ministry class, and the only non-Baptist. I asked a lot of questions. The professor didn't like me a whole lot.
19. When I was 20 and went on the mission trip to Israel, meeting the man of my dreams was the last thing on my mind. We started falling in love about a week into the trip. We were talking marriage on the plane home. We were engaged within 2 months and married 7 months after that. We've been married for 15 years. *smile*
20. I love to cook, but hate cleaning up the mess. And I sneak all sorts of veggies in our meals. My favorite is butternut squash in mac and cheese and spaghetti noodles. The kids even ask for it now.
21. I eat spoonfulls of brown sugar every time I bake with it.
22. I'd bungee jump if given the chance.
23. I love surprises - planning them and experiencing them.
24. When I was a kid, I wanted the Tooth Fairy to come but I hadn't lost any teeth. I went out to the field next to our house and found a part of a cow jaw bone. I put it under my pillow. The Tooth Fairy left a buck when the going rate was a quarter. Ingenius!
25. My brother is one of my biggest heroes, even though he fed me cat food and tickled me til I hyperventilated when I was a kid. I'm just uber proud of him and think God has gifted him in incredible ways.

Grace and Peace

Finally getting a quick blog in here. I'm really sorry. Not that I haven't had anything to say. Believe me, I have! Just haven't had time to get it all down.

Something struck me this morning during my nice, quiet, Bible-reading time. Decided to start reading the book of Galatians. Usually I skip over the intro and get to the good stuff. You know, where Paul is supposed to tell me something profound and eye-opening.

I got stopped at "Grace and peace to you...."

A quick glance at my footnotes and I find that "grace" was the word used in a common greeting in Greek. And "peace" was the common Hebrew greeting. Big wooo, right? Woe there, Nellie. What? Greeks and Hebrews. Jews and Gentiles. Paul is crossing cultures. Not they I didn't already know that, but what this means is that not only were Jews and Gentiles believers, they were worshiping together.

I have been so focused on breaking down cultural barriers (not so much physical barriers as those created by ignorance) that I couldn't help but realize that God is in the business of making us truly One Body. So, the liberal Christian, the conservative Christian, Chinese Christian and Honduran one. The Palestinian Christian and the Messianic Jew. The Christian neighbor and the Christian homeless man in the tunnel. Yep. One Body.

Grace and Peace.