Conversation with a Two Year Old (TYO)

TYO: Where we goin’?
Mom: (Backing out of driveway into the street.) We’re going to Michael’s house to go swimming?
TYO: Why we goin’ dis way?
Mom: Because this is the way to Michael’s house.
TYO: Michael wivs dis way?
Mom: Yes. He does.
TYO: (Two minutes later.) Why we goin’ to Michael’s house?
Mom: (Quick sigh.) To go swimming, remember? Then we’re going to go to the library.
TYO: Why we goin’ dis way?
Mom: Because this is the way to Michael’s house.
TYO: We’re goin’ to Michael’s house? Why we goin’ to Michael’s house?
Mom: (Deep breath in. Slowly exhale. Smile. Count to five. Now answer – but don’t grit your teeth.) To go swimming.
TYO: And den we go to da wibwary?
Mom: (Forced smile.) Yeeesss.
TYO: Why we gonna go to da wibwary?
Mom: (Sigh and close eyes. Oh wait, eyes on the road!) To get some books.
TYO: We get books at da wibwary?
Mom: (Raise eyebrows. Sigh. Smile. Okay, laugh.) Nope. We get chicken livers at the library.
TYO: (Furrowed brow.) No we don’t get chicken wivers at da wibwary. We get books at da wibwary.
Mom: We do?
TYO: You’re silwy, Mommy. Are we going to Michael’s house?
Mom: (Quick shake of head. Lower chin. Raise eyebrows. Gesture with outstretched hand) I don’t know, are we?
TYO: Yes. We going to Michael’s house to go swimming. Den we go to da wibwary to get books.
Mom: (Raise hands to heaven and drive with knees.) Praise the Lord! There is a merciful God!