Monday, January 6, 2014

Waiting for an Epiphany

e·piph·a·ny (noun): a sudden intuitive leap of understanding, especially through an ordinary but striking occurrence.

Ah, yes! That’s what I need! Can you beg for an epiphany? Do you study for it? How exactly can you increase your chances of an ah-ha moment? Because I need one. Really stinkin’ bad.

I have spent too much time the last several months avoiding the mirror. Calling myself names I’d never let anybody call another human being. Ever. I’m just so not where I want to be. Not where I think I am. Until I put on my yet again too tight jeans. Or have to see myself on camera or in a picture and realize that I do not look like I do in my mind’s eye. And I sure don’t look like any of my high school friends – even the ones who’ve had four kids, too. I don’t know what’s happened. Except that some things are within my control. And some are not.

And all the books and all the best friends tell me that you are not what you weigh. Or what your pant size is. You are so much more. You are valued and you are gifted. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Whatever.

I hear the words. They just don’t mean much. I know they should, and I see them take on powerful meaning in other’s lives. But not mine yet. I know the vanity in my concern for my appearance. I know the dangers that I risk for my daughter’s own self-image with my unspoken self-loathing. I fear the lies that I have let take up space in my brain. I even know how shallow this is. But how can something so shallow run so deep? I have a feeling God has something really important to teach me here since the year that I am the most uncomfortable in my body than I have ever been is the very year that I am on platforms in front of more people than I have ever been! I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

I need an epiphany.
I need a transformation. A renewing of my mind.

Do you? Are you fighting for an ah-ha moment that will clear the fog? Are you waiting to be who you think you ought to be? Or think the way you think you ought to think? (Yes, that’s a lot of thinking.)

Because we can’t manufacture an epiphany. We can’t force a transformation. So what are we to do?

Paul says it simply this way: Press on. Point your face toward Jesus and the wholeness, life and power over defeat that only He holds. Jesus is the goal. Not the transformation. (Hang out in Philippians 3 for a little bit.)

Whether it’s avoiding the foods that you know send you in a tailspin or reading your bible for the 50th day in a row waiting, waiting, waiting for something to click. Whether it’s showing up at the gym or making that hard phone call that will move you toward that reconciliation. Whether it’s boring or uncomfortable, effortless or strenuous, clear or clear as mud….Press on. And lo and behold, one day when we’re scanning the clearance end caps at Target, all of the sudden we’ll realize we’ve been transformed. Our eyes will open, the fog will clear and we’ll see that God has done His work in us!

Like the wise men consulting their notes day after day after day. Pressing on one step after another.  Day 54. Day 176. Is the Lord this way? Are we on the right track? Read those scriptures of old again. Day 297. Day 542. We’re tired, Lord. Every path leads to a dead end and we turn around. Press on. Seek Him. Day 684. He’s gotta be right here! Why is He not right here? We’ve been here a dozen times. Day 702. Really? Really? Come on! Wait. There’s the star again! Day 729. Emmanuel. We want to see You. We worship You and offer You our all. But we want to see You. Day 730. “They entered the house and saw the child with Mary his mother. Falling to their knees, they honored him. Then they opened their treasure chests and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh” (Matthew 2:11).

See, we can’t force a transformation. But we sure can prepare for it! And it’s by focusing not on earthly things – the weight, the finances, the conflicts, the success, the strategizing. It’s trusting in and moving toward and focusing on Jesus. And “he will transform our humble bodies so that they are like his glorious body, by the power that also makes him able to subject all things to himself” (Phil. 3:21). By pressing on and not going with the flow, by not conforming to the patterns of this world, then we will be transformed – because our minds will be renewed (Romans 12:2)!


Pressing on. Preparing for an epiphany.