e·piph·a·ny (noun): a sudden intuitive leap of
understanding, especially through an ordinary but striking occurrence.
Ah, yes! That’s what I need! Can you beg for an epiphany? Do
you study for it? How exactly can you increase your chances of an ah-ha moment?
Because I need one. Really stinkin’ bad.
I have spent too much time the last several months avoiding
the mirror. Calling myself names I’d never let anybody call another human
being. Ever. I’m just so not where I want to be. Not where I think I am. Until
I put on my yet again too tight jeans. Or have to see myself on camera or in a
picture and realize that I do not look like I do in my mind’s eye. And I sure
don’t look like any of my high school friends – even the ones who’ve had four
kids, too. I don’t know what’s happened. Except that some things are within my
control. And some are not.
And all the books and all the best friends tell me that you
are not what you weigh. Or what your pant size is. You are so much more. You are
valued and you are gifted. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Whatever.
I hear the words. They just don’t mean much. I know they
should, and I see them take on powerful meaning in other’s lives. But not mine
yet. I know the vanity in my concern for my appearance. I know the dangers that
I risk for my daughter’s own self-image with my unspoken self-loathing. I fear
the lies that I have let take up space in my brain. I even know how shallow
this is. But how can something so shallow run so deep? I have a feeling God has
something really important to teach me here since the year that I am the most uncomfortable in my body than I
have ever been is the very year that I am on platforms in front of more
people than I have ever been! I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
I need an epiphany.
I need a
transformation. A renewing of my mind.
Do you? Are you fighting for an ah-ha moment that will clear
the fog? Are you waiting to be who you think you ought to be? Or think the way
you think you ought to think? (Yes, that’s a lot of thinking.)
Because we can’t manufacture an epiphany. We can’t force a
transformation. So what are we to do?
Paul says it simply this way: Press on. Point your face
toward Jesus and the wholeness, life and power over defeat that only He holds.
Jesus is the goal. Not the transformation. (Hang out in Philippians 3 for a
little bit.)
Whether it’s avoiding the foods that you know send you in a
tailspin or reading your bible for the 50th day in a row waiting,
waiting, waiting for something to click. Whether it’s showing up at the gym or
making that hard phone call that will move you toward that reconciliation.
Whether it’s boring or uncomfortable, effortless or strenuous, clear or clear
as mud….Press on. And lo and behold, one day when we’re scanning the
clearance end caps at Target, all of the sudden we’ll realize we’ve been
transformed. Our eyes will open, the fog will clear and we’ll see that God has
done His work in us!
Like the wise men consulting their notes day after day after
day. Pressing on one step after another.
Day 54. Day 176. Is the Lord this way? Are we on the right track? Read
those scriptures of old again. Day 297. Day 542. We’re tired, Lord. Every path
leads to a dead end and we turn around. Press on. Seek Him. Day 684. He’s gotta
be right here! Why is He not right here? We’ve been here a dozen times. Day
702. Really? Really? Come on! Wait. There’s the star again! Day
729. Emmanuel. We want to see You. We worship You and offer You our all. But we
want to
see You. Day 730. “They entered the house and saw the child with Mary
his mother. Falling to their knees, they honored him. Then they opened their
treasure chests and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh”
(Matthew 2:11).
See, we can’t force a transformation. But we sure can
prepare for it! And it’s by focusing not on earthly things – the weight, the
finances, the conflicts, the success, the strategizing. It’s trusting in and moving
toward and focusing on Jesus. And “he
will transform our humble bodies so that they are like his glorious body, by
the power that also makes him able to subject all things to himself” (Phil.
3:21). By pressing on and not going with the flow, by not conforming to the
patterns of this world, then we will be transformed – because our minds will be
renewed (Romans 12:2)!
Pressing on. Preparing for an epiphany.
